"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

This entry marks the last in this discussion of "relationships" and I appreciate you for taking the time to read and/or listen to these. (Yes, you can access the podcast of all of my topics by going to http://www.michaelspillman.com/ ).

We have gone through a wide range of relationships from those that we come into contact with on a "semi-regular" basis such as a waiter or waitress, check out clerk or a parking attendant to name a few. We have also looked at the relationships that we have with our coworkers, our boss and different levels of our friends.

Now we look at what may be the most difficult level of relationships that we all deal with in our lives - our FAMILY.

Now, before I go any further let me say this - for some of you, you may feel that the relationship that you have with your CLOSET FRIEND like we discussed in the last article is one that is closer than anyone in your family. And, this may be true. After all, there are times that you share things with a close friend that you are afraid to bring up to someone in your family at the time. Perhaps you run it by the friend first to see what advice they may give you. This - among others - is one reason it is SO important to pick those close friends carefully! If you are going to ask and perhaps follow their advice then you need to make sure that the advice they give is actually GOOD advice.

I know from my own experiences growing up - as likely many of you can agree - that I got along better with my friends than I did my own brothers and sisters. One reason is that I didn't LIVE with my friends! Spending the amount of time with ANYONE that you spend with your immediate family might create problems.

By the way, this is one of the main attractions in an affair. That person that you are "attracted" to is one that, likely, is always "at their best" for you. You don't see them with baby food splattered on their dress and they don't see YOU with your "slobber trail" on your face first thing in the morning. It's easy to be attracted to what you don't see and/or deal with on a daily basis. That's one reason we say in MOST of our wedding vows something along the line of, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".

Hey listen, family is not always what it should be.

Why? Because, again, they are human just as you and I are. Tough break, huh?

I know for those of you that are doing everything you can to develop and maintain a positive attitude that, sometimes, some members of our family actually act as a "roadblock" in this effort. I probably see this brought up in every discussion when someone decides to step out and try to improve their situation.

Hey, it doesn't even have to be when someone tries to get involved in some sort of "opportunity"! I've even heard from some that get criticized just because they seek out and read as much positive information (like this) as possible.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

Honestly, I think it's the same deal with family as it is with anyone else. Anytime you try to better yourself you tend to force those around you (including family) to put the spot light on their own lives and their own decisions in this area. And, most don't like what they find. So, instead of putting the effort into improving their own lives, they find it easier to try to destroy YOUR efforts instead.

It would be nice if family reacted better than that but, many times, they just don't. So, what do you do about that?

When it comes to others in our lives it is likely easier to distance ourselves from those that try to derail our efforts than it is to do so with family. ESPECIALLY if you are living in the same house with them. You can try to talk to/with them and simply ask them how reading and absorbing positive information is something that is going to anything for you (and them!) but help.

Many people struggle with this with their own spouse. Ouch!

I honestly cannot tell you what to do in your situation but I would suggest first and foremost that you simply try to get them "on board" with you. Sometimes it is easier to let them SEE the change and difference in your life than it is to try to TELL them the benefits. Don't criticize them and tell them that THEY need to start getting into this stuff because by doing so you are indicating to them that they are not where they need to be. Sure, it may be true but to make them feel that way is going to do nothing but lead you to an argument.

In ALL of this - and I am talking specifically about your relationship with your spouse - TRUTH and HONESTY is the most important ingredient that you MUST have in this relationship.

Just like the relationship with your close friends that we discussed in the last article, it is AN ABSOLUTE MUST when you start talking about your spouse.

I have read in discussion groups of some talking about the fact that they bought into some sort of program behind their spouse's back and that, when they see them "coming around", they were going to tell them. DISASTER IN THE WORKS!!

TRUTH.

HONESTY.

I could write PAGES on this part but I won't (for now). As I said on the podcast version of this topic, if you don't have this in your relationship, you have nothing.

When you lie to your spouse you are DESTROYING that relationship. Oh please, stop trying to use that "white lie" or "for their own good" crap.

Picture it this way: Your relationship is a beautifully sculptured rock with much time and effort having been put into it to create this masterpiece. Every time you lie or are dishonest in any way is like you taking a chisel and chipping away at that masterpiece. Sure, the first few "chippings" may not seem to have any effect but, over time, each and every stroke contributes to it's total destruction.

Too many of us wonder what happened when it seemingly crumbles before us "out of the clear blue". It didn't happen overnight or "out of the clear blue". Don't ever forget that.

I'd love to hear from you on anything that I have shared with you on this series. Please feel free to share with me any thoughts and ideas on this - I'd love to hear from you.

Bottom line in ALL of your relationships - TRUTH and HONESTY will always bring about the BEST in any and all of your relationships.

TRUTH + HONESTY = TRUST.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com

Never Cheat Yourself or Others

Never Cheat Yourself or Others

We live in a world of "grey". You understand what I'm saying, right? Think about it and ask yourself how many times have you heard discussions like the following OR have caught yourself saying things similar to the following:

- "I really didn't LIE, I just didn't tell the whole truth!"

- "This company won't miss that package of paper. After all, I've worked here long enough to earn the right to take it home with me!"

- "Clarify what you mean when you ask if I've been unfaithful."

Sad to say, the idea of "situational ethics" has taken firm root in our world and, if we are not careful, we will fall to it's falsehood ourselves.

First of all, let's talk about the idea of "Never cheat others."

You know, if you live by the principles that we have discussed in this blog as well as my podcasts, you will never have to worry about this topic. Living by these principles will cause you to not only do what is EXPECTED of you, but it will cause you to go a step further and do MORE than is expected. Remember our recent discussion on that idea ("Do More Than You Have To")?

Do not fall into the trap of "shorting" your customers, friends, family.......ANYONE! By doing so, you are hurting your future relationship with these people in these different groups as well as hurting yourself.

"I'm not hurting myself! I'm just doing what I have to do to survive!"

Think about that. Again, there is a difference in LIVING and surviving - and, yes, you are simply surviving And, sooner or later, you will cease to do even that.

Let's consider this idea of "I'm just doing what I have to do to survive!" a little further. Have you ever seen the films about animals that get caught in a trap and actually chew their foot off so that they can escape? Extreme, right? Yet, they are doing what is necessary to survive. We've all heard the horror stories of people in a plane crash high up in the snowy country turning to the eating of the human flesh of those that didn't survive the crash. Why did they do it? They were just doing what they had to do to survive!

Extreme point? YES! But, that is an extreme attitude to have! Sooner or later, living with this type of attitude will cause you to be "eaten up" from the inside because you KNOW that this is NOT the way to truly live nor is it the way to treat your customers, friends and/or family.

In a difficult economy like the one we are still experiencing near the end of 2009, the tendency is to "cut back" and give customers a little less for the money. Might I suggest that, instead, it is the time to give MORE than your customers expect?

This is the time that will separate WINNERS from LOSERS - the choice is yours and, in my opinion, you only LOSE when you decide to cheat others.

And, again, you only cheat yourself in the process.

Now, let's turn our thoughts for a few moments to the idea of, "Never cheat yourself."

We have already discussed one way that we cheat ourselves, now let's look at another way that this can happen in our lives.

You are cheating yourself when you fail to do all within your power to better yourself. Think about it.

If you sit around and watch t.v. during all of your spare time - you are cheating yourself. Oh, I understand that there are some entertaining things on t.v. (I love sports, for example) - but, like with anything else, this should be done in moderation.

If you have decided (and, apparently you have or you wouldn't be reading this blog) to spend some time each day listening to podcasts and/or reading positive information then you have made a decision to try to improve yourself as well as your life.

HOWEVER, it is easy to "skimp" on this and to actually "lie" to yourself by not following through. How many books have you bought that you never read? How many books have you bought that you started, but never finished?

You see, we can make ourselves FEEL GOOD about buying that book, for example. We can give ourselves a false sense of accomplishment by pointing out the wonderful books in our own little library. But, it is just that - a FALSE sense of accomplishment.

We begin to CHEAT OURSELVES when we begin to make excuses for our lack of discipline and thus begin to look for ANY source that might make us feel better.

Come on, friend. Let's get REAL and let's get HONEST with ourselves so that we CAN move on toward our goal of self-improvement!

Seriously, what will you ever accomplish by cheating yourself? And, just as was true in the first part of this blog when I mentioned that you end up cheating yourself when you cheat others...the opposite is also true. When you cheat yourself, you end up cheating those around you as well.

So, bottom line - cheating yourself and/or others is a LOSE/LOSE situation!

Being honest with yourself and others is nothing but a WIN/WIN proposition!

I'll all for being a WINNER - what about you?

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike