CHANGES: I Screwed Up!

CHANGES: I SCREWED UP!!

Now, hopefully you're really familiar with F.Y.U (Future You University) but I hope you're not TOO familiar with I.S.U. (I Screwed Up!).

But, let's face it, since we are all human we ALL spend time trying to deal with the consequences that come when we screw up, right?

Before I get too far into the discussion for today, let's take a look at the four types of changes that we face in our lives:

TYPES OF CHANGES: (1)Those we voluntarily bring on ourselves... (2) those that we have no choice in but are not "against" us (change of seasons, life changes due to age, etc.)... (3)those that come at us DUE TO our actions and (4) those that come to us 100% involuntarily and at no fault of our own.

If you haven't gone back and read the articles on the first two (and/or listened to the podcasts that go with them) then you might want to do that first to catch up with the discussion so far.

So, for today, we are going to talk about the 3rd category listed above: Those changes that come our way due to our own actions. In other words, changes that come when we SCREW UP!

Here's the deal even with this: too many people still try to blame other people or other circumstances for their own screw ups and won't take the action necessary to accept the blame, do what can be done to correct the mess and then move on!

Does that describe you? (*OUCH!*)

Hey, let's face it...it's hard to ADMIT it when we suffer or those connected to us (spouse, children, friends, etc.) suffer due to our own screw ups! Seriously, who wants to admit to that?

But, it's necessary for us to wake up and realize that we have made a big mistake so that we can hopefully learn from it and avoid that same mistake in the future.

Have you noticed that those that fail to do this seem to keep making the same dumb mistakes over and over again?

Again, does that describe you?

If it does, DO soemthing about it and LEARN as you move forward.

Hey, let's face this fact too...sometimes we just make a wrong decision and we suffer CHANGES that aren't good for us or those that are around us. It's not necessarily a pattern in our lives but, nonetheless, it causes some problems, right?

Maybe you pulled your family up from where you lived and moved them across the country for a new job that you thought would be best for all of you and it turns out that it was, actually, a very poor decision.

This ties in closely with our last topic about those changes that come due to our voluntarily actions but, yet, it's a little different because, at times (unlike that last example) these changes come due to our stupidity.

A bit blunt, huh?

Sometimes an inablility to control our temper and/or our tongue results in changes due to that inability. Maybe you told your boss off and got fired. Now what?

Do that type of thing too many times and you will find it harder and harder to get hired by anyone!

I was talking to someone not too long ago that was complaining about their current situation so I asked them what their "ideal situation" would be. They described it to me and then said, "But I know that will never happen." When I asked them why they would say that here was their response: "Because of all of the stupid stuff that I keep on doing!"

Thing is, during the time period that I was having this discussion with this person they were still doing some of the same stupid stuff that was keeping them from their "ideal situation".

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

So, let's get on to thinking about some sort of solution to this mess. How does that sound?

FIRST, if you fit the type of scenario like the last guy I talked about then you MUST decide what is more important in your life....keeping on doing what you are doing and getting the same results OR starting to CHANGE your life so that you can IMPROVE your life. As you've heard many times before the very definition of insanity is to keep doing the same things over and over again and to expect different results.

Part of this solution is to begin to discipline yourself... your temper, your tongue, your attitude, etc. Only you can do it but this type of infomation and other positive information can help you in this endeavor.

SECONDLY, if you are suffering through change due to a misinformed decision then, most importanlty, admit that mistake - no matter how hard it is to do so - and start moving toward correcting and/or limiting the damage that comes to the change connected to that decision.

Part of that may be apologizing to those that are being impacted due to that decision. Simply and honestly tell them that you blew it and that you are sorry and that if there was any way for you to go back and erase it all, you would.

Thing is, you can't. You can simply try to improve your current situation.

Can I also help you face some reality? It may be something that can be corrected fairly easily and quickly but prepare yourself for those situations that will NOT be corrected easily OR quickly. The main thing in a situation like that is to keep yourself focused on a SOLUTION and to NOT focus on the mistake and what happened in the past.

YES, pay attention to the mistake so that you can learn from it and not repeat it in the future but DO NOT LINGER ON IT!

I'd be happy to discuss this with your further if you'd like to contact me via the website and share with me your situation.

Remember this: WE ALL SCREW UP sooner or later. The key is what we do AFTER that realization.

Hopefully, as we mature and learn the changes in our life that are due to our own decisions will be more positive than negative and we'll learn to handle those that we can't control with a more positive attitude and mindset.

Until next time, be sure to ....

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Changes: They Just Keep on Coming!

CHANGES: They Just Keep on Coming!

It's been a while since I posted my last blog article but my guess is that you have experienced several changes since that last posting, right?

As I said recently, the only constant thing about change is that it is constant! Things constantly change!

Hey, I have to brag for a moment... since my last article my wife and I (as well as our oldest son and his wife) have gone through a HUGE and WONDERFUL change! We welcomed our first little grandbaby girl into the world just a few short days ago. We told our son and his wife that their life is now changed forever - but it is a POSITIVE change that will be well worth anything and everything that comes about because of this change.

Now, you think for a few moments and try to think of how many changes have taken place in YOUR own life since my last article was posted back on November 11, 2011.

Well?

I can just about assure you that there has been more changes than you realized IF you really take the time to think about it.

Try to categorize those changes into the categories that I mentioned in my last article. In case you don't remember or don't want to go back and search, here they are:

TYPES OF CHANGES: (1)Those we voluntarily bring on ourselves... (2) those that we have no choice in but are not "against" us (change of seasons, life changes due to age, etc.)... (3)those that come at us DUE TO our actions and (4) those that come to us 100% involuntarily and at no fault of our own.

For today, let's discuss those in category 1: Those that we voluntarily bring on ourselves. A prime example would be the decision that my son and his wife made to have their first child. Voluntary for sure but a decision that will bring MAJOR CHANGE into their lives and, to be honest, not all of them will be changes that will always bring joy into their lives.

I talk to a lot of people that gripe and complain about situations in their life that, after talking to them for a bit and more information is revealed, are due to CHOICES that were made VOLUNTARILY by them! No one else FORCED them to make those decisions or choices.

I talked to a guy earlier today that wasn't complaining or griping but was telling me he was having to sell just about everything he had because he was out of work. Why was he out of work? Because he couldn't "take the crap" (his words) anymore so he quit.

It was his choice and I hope that he is happy with the choice that he made and I hope that he will be able to provide for he and his wife due to this voluntary change.

What changes have taken place in YOUR life due to YOU willingly, and voluntarily making a CHOICE that brought about this change?

Hey, bottom line: they don't always turn out the way we think, right?

Been there, done that!

So, key lesson with this: THINK AND THINK HARD BEFORE YOU MAKE THAT CHOICE!

Sometimes - many times - it is the RIGHT choice that needs to be made and, at other times, it's not necessary and is due to our impatience.

Think about it, examine the changes in your life that fit this category and see if there is some way for you to make the most out of the changes that you brought into your life voluntarily.

Sometimes it takes us being HONEST with ourselves and ADMITTING that we actually are the ones responsible for those changes EVEN IF THEY DON'T TURN OUT THE WAY WE WANTED OR EXPECTED!

Fair enough?

I hope to get a few more of these articles out sooner than I have been able to do so recently so be watching and listening to the podcasts that I will be recording with them. As always you can access all of this information at my website www.FutureYouUniversity.com

Take care, friend and, as always, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Choose Responsibly, ACT Responsibly!

Would THIS Help?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if it really WAS as easy as seeing a sign like the one above?

Now, let me ask you another question...do you think you'd STILL choose the "RIGHT DECISION" 100% of the time even if there WERE such a sign right in front of you?

Let me answer that for you...NO, you wouldn't!

Why? Because that's just the way we are. We are basically selfish people and we tend to do what WE want as opposed to what may be the "right" or "best" thing to do.

Follow me on this example and be honest with yourself. How many times during the course of your life have you KNOWN what was the right vs. wrong thing to do and you chose the WRONG thing anyway? You may have even known that you might get punished and/or grounded when (not if!) your parents found out about it but, your SELFISH desire to do what YOU wanted overcame that fear of punishment and, you did what YOU wanted to do anyway!

Not very responsible, is it?

Now, sure, we can excuse things like that to our being young and foolish but - ARE YOU READY TO GET HONEST NOW? - how many of us STILL act in such a way from time to time?

You see, it's not enough to just CHOOSE responsibly but it's also important to put that CHOICE into ACTION! And, yes, it's possible to choose and not act....remember, you HAVE done such a thing even in your own life.

If you're still having a hard time thinking that you HAVE done such a thing let me ask you still ANOTHER question. Has anyone - EVER - in your whole life ever said something like the following to you....."But I thought you said you were going to ____________ (fill in the blank)!" ?

That's right. You may have even "announced" what your choice was and STILL decided to do something different. You decided NOT to act upon that choice. It may be something as simple as, "I thought you said you were going to wash the car today!" to something much more serious such as, "I thought you said you were going to stop drinking!".

So, to sum this all up, let's look at what we've discussed:

1. It's important to CHOOSE RESPONSIBLY what we allow into our minds. What we allow into our minds/mindset (positive or negative) WILL have a DIRECT impact upon our lives and the lives of each and every person that we come into contact with each and every day.

2. Understand the responsibility that you have to others besides yourself. It's not all about you! But, at the same time, the better you become the better you become for those around you!

3. Don't make choices or decisions "in the heat of the moment". They will most likely be the WRONG decisions.

4. Do the research needed to make a responsible decision. Pray about it. Think about it. Sleep on it. Then, and only then, should you really try to make such a decision.

5. Even after all of what you did in #4 DO NOT be tempted to still act upon your selfish impulses. It's not enough to just CHOOSE responsibly, you must also ACT upon that responsible choice!

Hey listen, we are all human and we will STILL make irresponsible and/or unwise decisions. However, we CAN equip ourselves in such a way that we make fewer and fewer of these types of decisions in our lives.

I'd love to hear any feedback you have on these thoughts and your experiences in this area.

Thanks for your time today and be sure to check out the audio podcasts on these topics at http://www.michaelspillman.com/

Until next time...

"Be sure to make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

How To Choose Responsibly

"HOW TO CHOOSE RESPONSIBLY"

Good ol' Monty Hall and "Let's Make a Deal". I talked about this program in yesterday's entry so, if you missed it, go back and check it out.

One of the things I mentioned was the tendency of ALL of us to say AFTER all has been revealed, "Oh, I KNEW I should have picked that other choice!"

20/20 hindsight, remember?

I'm sure you would agree that this is EASY to apply to our lives. I'm sure ALL of us can look back on both good and bad decisions we have made and see rather EASILY what we either should have done or breathe a sigh of relief because of what we DID choose.

So, how CAN we choose responsibly?

The main part of the answer is found in one word in the question - "responsibly".

Decisions that are made without much thought are usually irresponsible decisions. They may be made in the heat of passion or anger or just an overdrive dose of excitement. (By the way, this is why so many sales pitches try to get you to "BUY NOW" or tell you that the offer is good "for today only"! When this is the case you might want to really consider staying away at LEAST until you have had a chance to step away and think about it AWAY from the hype.)

So, first and foremost, in order to make a RESPONSIBLE decision about ANYTHING, make sure you are not being swayed by emotion of any kind.

You should also avoid any choice that is being swayed by DESPERATION! This is another type of emotion that bring people to making rash and irresponsible decisions. Again - PAY ATTENTION TO THIS PATTERN - there are many "sales people" that are actually looking for people to "prey on" that are DESPERATE. Again, take the time to step away from the situation and give yourself a chance to think clearly.

Think about it this way - many times when someone is struggling to keep from drowning they will take their rescuer down with them and drown them as well. Why? PANIC! DESPERATION! Life guards are taught to be aware of this upon their approach so that they do not become a second victim of the situation. Most people, when they have a chance to think of it when they are NOT desperate, know that they should try to remain calm and listen to the rescuer and do as they say. But, in the heat of the moment it's often a different story!

And, finally (at least for this article) you must consider your RESPONSIBILITY toward others if you wish to choose responsibly. This is the part that I said was found in one of the words to the main question. All of the things that I have mentioned so far in this article can fall into this category. Consider your responsibility to others BEFORE making a choice. This may be your spouse, your kids, other family members, your boss and/or coworkers, etc.

You may - in the heat of the moment (remember, this is the time to STEP AWAY!) decide that you want to take a job on the opposite coast without even thinking about the repercussions on your family. Oops!

Sure, it's "your life" but you have also made some choices earlier in your life - if you have a family - that has brought others into the equation that MAKES UP "your life" and they MUST be considered in your decisions. Like it or not - that's just the way it is, friend.

UNLESS you choose to act irresponsibly!

And, if you are NOT married and you plan to do so one day then, please understand, it is IMPERATIVE that you spend time talking about all kinds of things with your potential partner so that you can BOTH see if you are on "the same page" on important things.

Well, that's enough for today.

How do you choose responsibly? DO NOT MAKE DECISIONS IN THE "HEAT OF THE MOMENT". That's it in a nutshell.

HOMEWORK: (What? What do you mean "homework"?) Take a moment and look back over decisions that you would now label as "poor" and see if you can find some "heat of the moment" factor that was connected to that decision. I'd love to hear what you find.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

http://www.michaelspillman.com/

"Choose Responsibly!"

"CHOOSE RESPONSIBLY!"

Your first thought may be, "Choose carefully!", which is also very important to remember but, today, we are going to focus on the "responsibility" aspect of our choices.

When I chose the picture for today's blog article it made me think of the old "Let's Make a Deal" program with Monty Hall. (Yes, I know there is a remake on television right now but I prefer the original on ALL of these game shows).

There were CHOICES that the contestants had to make all through the program and it would come to the grand finale when the top contestants would CHOOSE their final prize (one of which was the GRAND PRIZE for the day). Door #1, Door #2 or Door #3?

I vividly remember yelling MY choice at the t.v. when I was a child but I'm sure YOU have NEVER done anything like that, right?

Now, think about this...how many times have YOU said (or heard someone else say) something like, "Oh, that's the one I WAS going to choose!" once it has been revealed that you picked the wrong door?

20/20 hindsight, right?

We can do that in just about any and every area of our lives, can't we? I know I can!

So, yes, not only is it important to CHOOSE CAREFULLY when it comes to the choices that we face every day but SPECIFICALLY when it comes to CHOOSING what we allow into our minds, but, even more importantly is the fact that we must choose RESPONSIBLY!

Why? Because, again, what we CHOOSE to allow into our mindset will not only impact US but it will also have an impact upon EACH and EVERY person that we come into contact with throughout each and every day. And this starts with those that are closest to you.

RESPONSIBILITY for CHOOSING what we allow into our minds.

Let that concept sink in a little and I'll continue this discussion tomorrow. But, until then...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com

Decisions - Part 5: "Yeah, Adults, Too!"

"Yeah, Adults, Too!"

Hopefully, as adults, we are wiser than when we were younger! I'm not sure who wrote the song but I know I've heard it sung by Rod Stewart with the words, "I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger!" Nice thought, right?

But, the fact is - it doesn't work that way....it works just the opposite. We know more now than we did earlier but the key question is this: Has it made a difference in our ability to make wise choices?

For some, yes and for others, apparently not!

Now, again, let me clarify something - even the "smartest" and "most prepared" people in the world still sometimes make wrong choices. As adults, we are not immune to such things.

But, we should be able to LIMIT these poor choices a lot better than we did before simply because of our experiences in living life.

Stupid decisions come in all forms, don't they? They don't always have to be centered around marital infidelity as was mentioned in the last example given in our first episode in this series. Don't you know - hopefully - that the pro golfer who's career is basically ruined for the moment and who's family life is apparently is in shambles really regrets his unwise choices?

The reason I say, "hopefully" is that - and we've all seen this from time to time - sometimes people still refuse to admit that they made a mistake! People with this mindset are doomed to repeat stupid mistakes over and over again.

Be sure to come back tomorrow as we talk about the one "key principle" that must be followed in order for us to recover and still be productive following these HUGE mistakes.

Now then, if we, as adults, SHOULD make better decisions now, due to our experiences, WHY DON'T WE?

I know that some people may think that I "over-generalize" on some of this and, if I do, it is not intentional. I know that not ALL young people are alike or act the same. There are MANY young people that DO think things through ahead of time and that DO consider the consequences and make wise choices.

However, for the most part - in general - young people DON'T think about consequences OR, if they do, they think that they will be the exception. Why? Some of it is simply the bravado of youth and some of it is the basic feeling of invincibility that young people feel. I remember not even thinking about the possibility that I could be killed or terribly injured OR kill or injure someone else when I drove WAY beyond my experience level. In other words, I drove like an idiot!

Some of this is what we LOVE about youth - RISK TAKING!

However, all of us - young or old - must remember that, "With every night comes a morning after!".

As we get older and take on more responsibility (family, for example) we tend to "tone down" some of these youthful exuberance and think a little more about consequences. Yes, I know sometimes this leads to us being SO CAREFUL that we fail to live life, but that is another topic for another time.

Our experience can also be our downfall at times. Let me explain what I mean.

As adults, sometimes we begin to feel wise beyond our years (kind of like me driving when I was a teenager!). As adults, we feel that, through observation and experience we have it all figured out and, due to that experience - and so called "wisdom" - we can avoid the possible consequences. We've figured it all out! It won't happen to us!

Wow, sounds a whole like how young people think, if you ask me! The difference is this - when you are young, you THINK you know, but you don't due to your inexperience that comes from being young! However, as an adult, you SHOULD know and you SHOULD know better! But, for whatever reason, when temptation comes our way - in WHATEVER form - we convince ourselves that we are invincible - not due to our youth, but due to our self-perceived "wisdom".

To me, this is much sadder than seeing a young person (teen or young adult) make some of these mistakes. Why? Because as a teen or young adult, it's part of the process and HOPEFULLY you wise up before you make the HUGE blunders!

But, for an adult - YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER! You've seen countless lives ruined by making the same STUPID decisions...."but it won't happen to me!"

This applies to our relationships with our spouses and families but it also applies to ANY unwise choice that we are considering. Perhaps it has something to do with your work in some way that you have decided to cheat the company or take some sort of shortcut to bring you some financial reward.

THINK! THINK! THINK!

Remember the first basic principle that we talked about early on? First and foremost we must consider what we want our life to look like! Where do we want to go with our lives and what will that look like?

ADULT, WAKE UP! Regardless of your age, this is a process that we must STILL continue! We must STILL ask ourselves - especially when considering something that is unwise - what do want our life to look like on the other side of this? IF I choose to go through this, what might happen?

Instead of thinking, "It won't happen to me!" why not think, "What if I DO get caught and/or what if this backfires - what will happen then?"

I have talked with many an adult that felt absolutely foolish after having these unwise decisions backfire on them. And, yes, many times these are the words that come out of their mouths: "I can't believe I did that! What was I thinking? I just didn't think it would go this far and I just didn't think it would turn out this way."

But, guess what? It did. It does. YOU ARE NOT IMMUNE!

Honestly ask yourself this question....if you KNEW that after following through with this "thing" (whatever it is) that you know deep down is not wise, you would loose everything that you have - your family (ALL of your family), your job, your house and your dignity - would you still go through with it?

No, don't say, "But it won't!" - ask yourself what if you DO! No doubts - 100% sure that you will end up on the other side with nothing....would you still go through with it?

Here's the scary thought...many adults get up in the bravado of "experience" (as opposed to the bravado of youth) and still try to say that they WILL go through with it because they know nothing bad will happen. It won't happen to them.

Sad.

But it doesn't have to be IF we wake up and THINK long before we get to that situation -- this, again, is the FOUNDATIONAL principle we talked about first and foremost. It also goes along with what we discussed about making your decision EARLY instead of waiting until you are in the "heat of battle" or in the clutches of the temptation - whether sex, prestige, power or all three.

We, as adults, must also consider the point of, "Who are you listening to?". Seriously, pay close attention to this one as well!

I have been saying all along that everything that we have talked about in this series applied to adults just as much as it did to teens or young adults.

However, I felt the need to address this specifically BECAUSE ADULTS SOMETIMES FEEL THAT THEY ARE IMMUNE to the mistakes that they would make earlier on in their lives.

That, in itself, shows poor judgment, wouldn't you agree?

Again, be sure to join me tomorrow as I bring this discussion to a conclusion and talk about how ANYONE can recover from even the worst of decisions and live a productive life IF they follow this one key principle.

Until then...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike