"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

This entry marks the last in this discussion of "relationships" and I appreciate you for taking the time to read and/or listen to these. (Yes, you can access the podcast of all of my topics by going to http://www.michaelspillman.com/ ).

We have gone through a wide range of relationships from those that we come into contact with on a "semi-regular" basis such as a waiter or waitress, check out clerk or a parking attendant to name a few. We have also looked at the relationships that we have with our coworkers, our boss and different levels of our friends.

Now we look at what may be the most difficult level of relationships that we all deal with in our lives - our FAMILY.

Now, before I go any further let me say this - for some of you, you may feel that the relationship that you have with your CLOSET FRIEND like we discussed in the last article is one that is closer than anyone in your family. And, this may be true. After all, there are times that you share things with a close friend that you are afraid to bring up to someone in your family at the time. Perhaps you run it by the friend first to see what advice they may give you. This - among others - is one reason it is SO important to pick those close friends carefully! If you are going to ask and perhaps follow their advice then you need to make sure that the advice they give is actually GOOD advice.

I know from my own experiences growing up - as likely many of you can agree - that I got along better with my friends than I did my own brothers and sisters. One reason is that I didn't LIVE with my friends! Spending the amount of time with ANYONE that you spend with your immediate family might create problems.

By the way, this is one of the main attractions in an affair. That person that you are "attracted" to is one that, likely, is always "at their best" for you. You don't see them with baby food splattered on their dress and they don't see YOU with your "slobber trail" on your face first thing in the morning. It's easy to be attracted to what you don't see and/or deal with on a daily basis. That's one reason we say in MOST of our wedding vows something along the line of, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".

Hey listen, family is not always what it should be.

Why? Because, again, they are human just as you and I are. Tough break, huh?

I know for those of you that are doing everything you can to develop and maintain a positive attitude that, sometimes, some members of our family actually act as a "roadblock" in this effort. I probably see this brought up in every discussion when someone decides to step out and try to improve their situation.

Hey, it doesn't even have to be when someone tries to get involved in some sort of "opportunity"! I've even heard from some that get criticized just because they seek out and read as much positive information (like this) as possible.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

Honestly, I think it's the same deal with family as it is with anyone else. Anytime you try to better yourself you tend to force those around you (including family) to put the spot light on their own lives and their own decisions in this area. And, most don't like what they find. So, instead of putting the effort into improving their own lives, they find it easier to try to destroy YOUR efforts instead.

It would be nice if family reacted better than that but, many times, they just don't. So, what do you do about that?

When it comes to others in our lives it is likely easier to distance ourselves from those that try to derail our efforts than it is to do so with family. ESPECIALLY if you are living in the same house with them. You can try to talk to/with them and simply ask them how reading and absorbing positive information is something that is going to anything for you (and them!) but help.

Many people struggle with this with their own spouse. Ouch!

I honestly cannot tell you what to do in your situation but I would suggest first and foremost that you simply try to get them "on board" with you. Sometimes it is easier to let them SEE the change and difference in your life than it is to try to TELL them the benefits. Don't criticize them and tell them that THEY need to start getting into this stuff because by doing so you are indicating to them that they are not where they need to be. Sure, it may be true but to make them feel that way is going to do nothing but lead you to an argument.

In ALL of this - and I am talking specifically about your relationship with your spouse - TRUTH and HONESTY is the most important ingredient that you MUST have in this relationship.

Just like the relationship with your close friends that we discussed in the last article, it is AN ABSOLUTE MUST when you start talking about your spouse.

I have read in discussion groups of some talking about the fact that they bought into some sort of program behind their spouse's back and that, when they see them "coming around", they were going to tell them. DISASTER IN THE WORKS!!

TRUTH.

HONESTY.

I could write PAGES on this part but I won't (for now). As I said on the podcast version of this topic, if you don't have this in your relationship, you have nothing.

When you lie to your spouse you are DESTROYING that relationship. Oh please, stop trying to use that "white lie" or "for their own good" crap.

Picture it this way: Your relationship is a beautifully sculptured rock with much time and effort having been put into it to create this masterpiece. Every time you lie or are dishonest in any way is like you taking a chisel and chipping away at that masterpiece. Sure, the first few "chippings" may not seem to have any effect but, over time, each and every stroke contributes to it's total destruction.

Too many of us wonder what happened when it seemingly crumbles before us "out of the clear blue". It didn't happen overnight or "out of the clear blue". Don't ever forget that.

I'd love to hear from you on anything that I have shared with you on this series. Please feel free to share with me any thoughts and ideas on this - I'd love to hear from you.

Bottom line in ALL of your relationships - TRUTH and HONESTY will always bring about the BEST in any and all of your relationships.

TRUTH + HONESTY = TRUST.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com

RELATIONSHIPS: Friends II

"RELATIONSHIPS: Friends II"

(Your "Inner Circle" of Friends)

Even though we talked about friends in our last segment, today we take another step closer in our "relationship circle" and spend a few moments talking about the relationships we have with our closest friends.

That's right, today we are going to talk about the relationships we have with those very SPECIAL people that we know are there for us at a moments notice. Perhaps they are the Tonto to your Lone Ranger or the Robin to your Batman.

Get the point?

This is the kind of friend that, just by looking at you, can know if something is wrong and they know just what to say OR to maybe even say nothing at all and just be there with you.

Now, guys (men) - sadly, for many (if not most) of us, we generally do not have these kinds of relationships. Oh, I know some of you do but, more often than not, we don't. That could be another whole series of topics to discuss, right?

WARNING: Men and/or women...I would STRONGLY suggest to you that you make sure this type of friend is someone of the same sex as you. Why? So that, if either of you are married, your relationship with your spouse is not jeopardized by this "friendship".

Stop your justification and your whining. I'm speaking truth here and I suggest you really pay attention to this IF you wish to maintain the strong relationship with your spouse.

Now, back to the point at hand - these CLOSE friends and the relationship that you have with them.

We've already discussed this point in relation to ALL of our relationships but it is also worth repeating when we talk about this level of our relationships - because this relationship is made up of HUMAN BEINGS we WILL disappoint and be disappointed from time to time.

Got it?

There's no such thing as a PERFECT relationship. There will be times that you may argue and fight and sometimes it is because that friend is being straight with us when we don't WANT to hear the truth about some situation.

However, these are the type of relationships that, even when you have had a disagreement, you realize you cannot do without. You NEED this relationship in your life. You NEED this sounding board and this voice of reason in your life and, hopefully, the same is true of them and their need for you and this relationship in their life.

Here is the KEY INGREDIENT needed in such a relationship (yeah, it's two different words but it still speaks to the same point): TRUTH and HONESTY!

In order for you to truly have the kind of relationship that allows you to share your innermost thoughts with this person, you have to TRUST them when they tell you that what you share stays with them and that they will not share it with anyone else. And, it has to be the same with what they may need to share with you.

TRUST.

This is why, many times, we fail to have really close relationships. Why? Because, due to past issues when others have destroyed trust, we find it hard to trust again.

I understand that completely.

Are YOU trustworthy? Do YOU demand something out of your friend that you are not willing to commit to? This is a two-way street, friend.

And, hey, listen... we can ALL find someone to serve as a "yes man" in our lives, right? You know, the type of person that wants to please us so much and be our friend so much that they won't really be honest with us but, instead, will agree with us regardless. This is the kind of person that will tell you that you look GREAT even if you purposely put on some hideous outfit just to see what they would say.

THIS IS NOT A TRUE FRIEND.

A true friend will be HONEST with you even when you don't want to hear the honest truth. Now, they will be kind (unless you won't listen) in the process but they understand the depth of your friendship and the demand that such depth puts on the relationship to be HONEST.

Relationships are destroyed when trust and honesty is "thrown out the window".

In other words, when a relationship if void of truth and honesty then it is not a friendship relationship.

Think about that and let it soak in.

Can you forgive and be forgiven? YES!

And, again, if this is one of "those" TRUE relationships that have been messed up by our human frailty, then you (and the other party) will realize the value of the relationship and you will both be willing and ready to work out the hurt and move on.

But, know this - when trust is destroyed it will take a VERY LONG TIME for that trust to be established once again. And, to be honest with you, sometimes it can never be reestablished.

So, be careful and cherish this friendship. Be thankful and EXPRESS THAT THANKS to such a friend and do all that you can to protect that relationship with TRUTH and HONESTY!

I am happy to say that I have ONE such relationship in my life (thanks, Fred!) and I hope you have at least one and even more than one.

Any of us that has such a friend in life is truly blessed. Again, express that thanks to that friend and be committed to be the BEST friend that YOU can be as well.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

http://www.michaelspillman.com/

"RELATIONSHIPS: Friends"

RELATIONSHIPS: Friends

Now it's time to take a step closer in our "relationship circle" as we begin to talk about our friends.

Even though we have taken a step in closer in this "relationship circle" we are still not talking about those friends that are closest to us. This "level" of friends are those that we spend some time and hang out with but, again, aren't the ones we'd tell our deepest secrets to.

ALL relationships can be difficult and those with our friends are no exception. Again, because our friendships are made up of people we deal with disappointments and frustrations. Sometimes this is due to what others have done and, sometimes, it is due to what WE have done in this relationship.

If you've never done this, I would ask that you draw a series of circles with the center being in the shape of a heart. (This is kind of like a bulls eye but, again, with your heart at the middle).

Now, after drawing the heart in the center, draw your first ring out from there a little bit and then, draw another ring beyond that one and so on until you have about five rings. This will help you in what we are discussing in this series.

In the area between the heart and the first ring write the names of those in your family that you are the closest to whether it be your spouse or some other family member. I understand that there may be some friends that are even closer to you than your spouse but, for this purpose, I'd like you to put your spouse there if you have one and, if not, the family member that you are closet to.

Now, in the space between that ring and the next one, write down the names of your CLOSET friend or friends. These need to be those (or, it may be only one) that, again, you would share your deepest and darkest secrets with KNOWING that they would protect that and keep it safe. These are the people that know you better than you know yourself at times.

In the space between that ring and the next one write down the names of that group of friends that you like to spend time with and hang out at the movies, ballgames, etc. True, your closest friends may be a part of this group as well but these are the people that you enjoy hanging around but you may NOT necessarily share your inner thoughts with. Write down as many as you want here - it is totally up to you.

If you want to go ahead and take this out further based on our earlier discussions and, in the next area between rings you can either write down some names OR just write the word, "coworkers". And, then, past that you can write down words such as, "waiter/waitress", "parking attendant", etc. BONUS POINTS for yourself IF you can put some names to these relationships!

This simply gives you a visual of what I have been discussing during this series and will also help you to clarify who in your life fits in these categories.

Now, for today's purposes, look at the names that you wrote down in that category of "friends" that you enjoy hanging around. Who are they? What are their names?

Do they help you with your positive mindset OR do they tend to be on the negative side? Are they a help or a hindrance in this area?

Are they people that you can trust and are they people that honor your relationship ALL of our relationships are important. ALL of our relationships not only bear OUR "relational fingerprints" but they also have an impact upon OUR lives.

Sometimes it is necessary to make changes in this area of friends IF we find that they are not helpful in keeping our minds focused on improving our lives.

Friend, it is totally up to you. No one can answer those questions about this particular area of friends for you.

Give it some thought and be the BEST that you can be in each area of these relationships!

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com

RELATIONSHIPS: In the Workplace II

"RELATIONSHIPS: In the Workplace II"

Before I get going on today's entry let me clarify that when I talk about your "boss" I am referring to that person that tells you what you need to do at your workplace each day. It may be a "manager" or "supervisor" but, regardless, they are YOUR boss.

How many of you LIKE your boss?

How many of you DISLIKE your boss?

Of those of you that DISLIKE your boss, how many of you would also say - honestly - that you don't put 100% into your efforts on the job BECAUSE OF your dislike for your boss? You know what I mean, right? It's the kind of attitude that says, "Why should I do that for you? I'm not going to do anything more than I absolutely have to!"

Now, an even more important question that you need to address: "How is that attitude helping you in ANY way whatsoever?"

Does it make you feel better? I can answer that for you - "NO!" Oh, you may THINK it makes you feel better but I can promise you that this "relationship" (as it stands) eats at you each and every day.

Is it IMPROVING your positive mindset? Again, an easy answer - "NO!"

So...what's the point?

What if I could tell you a way that will not only change the way you approach each work day BUT may very well lead to a promotion and/or better job for yourself?

Here it is: Do EVERYTHING you can to make your BOSS look as good as possible!

O.k. after you pick yourself up off of the floor I'll continue. Are you back with me now?

Doesn't that just go against everything that seems to make sense in the workplace?

But really take a close look at this idea. Again, how is the other approach working out for you?

When you decide that you are going to approach each day with the idea of doing the BEST job possible (hey, listen, don't roll your eyes - it really is an important step to take!) then you begin to LOOK FORWARD TO the day as opposed to DREADING the day.

When you begin to focus on making your boss look good, guess what? YOU will begin to be noticed and YOU will "look good" as well. Your boss (even if he/she IS a jerk) will begin to realize how invaluable you are to them and they will do all they can to keep you working for them.

THEN, other department managers will begin to notice what you are doing and then THEY will want to get you to work with/for them!

My wife is currently working a part time job that is nothing special. It's just a basic part time job that a lot of people fuss and gripe about. But, guess what? As she usually does, she has approached each day as a chance to make people smile and to just simply do the best she can. She has only been working at this job for two weeks and she has already had one manager tell her that "word" about her has already spread around the store and that all the managers are wanting her to work in their department.

IN JUST TWO WEEKS!

Now, you tell me, how can that be anything BUT good?

Now, even though YOUR immediate manager may want to keep you where you are so that you can continue to make them look good, THEIR manager will notice what you are doing and realize that it would be silly to keep you at that level and will likely want to promote you to a higher level in order to take better advantage of your work habit and attitude.

YES, THIS CAN BE REAL AND IT CAN HAPPEN FOR YOU!

But, first and foremost, you MUST change your attitude on all of this.

And then, quite honestly, the sky is the limit for you.

Hey, why not try it? Honestly, what do you have to lose?

BE YOUR BEST and see if THE BEST doesn't start happening to and for you!

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

http://www.michaelspillman.com/

RELLATIONSHIPS: In the Workplace

"RELATIONSHIPS: In the Workplace"

(access the audio/video version of this topic at: http://www.michaelspillman.com/)

First of all, just as I did on the podcast for today, let me clarify that I am NOT any type of "relationship expert". Quite honestly, I am not sure that there really IS such a thing and I challenge such a "title".

Anyway, I simply am sharing what I feel and think about these things based on my own personal experiences as well as my own observations. Again, we ALL have relationships so this is something that, hopefully, we can all relate to as we discuss these thoughts and ideas together.

Relationships... we all have them, they are "ours" and we put our "relational fingerprint" on each and every person that we come into contact with each and every day.

We have been talking about those "outer ridge" type of relationships that we all have (waiter, waitress, parking attendant, etc.) and how we are perceived by these people (perhaps the "real" us?) and how we treat those at this level of our relationships impacts ALL of our relationships.

Today, we move in one layer in our "relationship circle" and move into those relationships that we have at the workplace.

You may be saying, "WHAT relationships at my workplace? I try to do everything I can NOT to have relationships at my workplace!" That may be true but, whether you want them or not, they DO exist!

Think about this - the very fact that we spend so much time with these relationships (whether we want to or not) will DEFINITELY cause there to be an influence on our other relationships. What do I mean by that?

How many times have you either experienced this or you have heard other people talk about this experience - you come home from work (or someone else in your household comes home from work) in a rotten and stinky mood because of what has taken place WHILE AT work?

See what I mean?

We have had this basic discussion many times before but, the fact is simply this: YOU allow others to "push your buttons" and cause you to be in a bad mood. It's up to you whether or not you will turn this power over to those around you.

Easier said than done? YES! Will you be 100% successful in this each and every day? NOT LIKELY! But that doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to improve in this area, wouldn't you agree?

Many times we fall into the trap of joining in with our coworkers when they begin to whine and complain about the job and/or the boss. Whine, whine, whine.

"Would you like some CHEESE with that whine?"

First and foremost - BE THANKFUL THAT YOU HAVE A JOB! Now, I understand that it may not be what you want to do for the rest of your life and I understand it may not be the BEST situation in the world. But, be THANKFUL!

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE!

That's right. You have a CHOICE in how you approach each day and it is up to YOU to follow through with that choice. It's all up to YOU and no one else.

It's up to you how you relate with your coworkers and if you will allow them to "suck you down" with the negativity" or if you will take a different path and challenge them (by your actions) to rise above that poison and up to something better.

And, it's up to you as to how you relate to any of the bosses you have ahead of you. I mention this on the podcast for today and I want to leave it with you today so that you can run it through your brain a few times before our next discussion. (By the way, I mistakenly said we'd talk about this "tomorrow" on the podcast forgetting that "tomorrow" is FUN FRIDAY. So, it will be Monday before we get back to this.)

What would happen if you decided to do EVERYTHING YOU COULD to make your boss look as GOOD AS THEY COULD?

Think about that and join me again for part 2 of this discussion on our relationships in the workplace.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com