Tuesday, January 12, 2010

"I Am a GIVER - Not a Taker!" (Part 2 - on relationships)

#5: "I Am a GIVER - Not a Taker!"
(Part 2 - on Relationships)

In today's podcast and on this blog entry I want to go into a different area in part 2 of the discussion on my 5th Daily Affirmation.

First of all, a "disclaimer" or "clarification": I am not a psychologist or psychiatrist. I don't pretend to be and I will never attempt to be. HOWEVER, I have worked with people for years and have noticed a lot of things about people during this time that helps me as I continue to share positive information.

O.k.? Good!

Let's take this idea of being a GIVER and not a TAKER and apply them to our relationships. "What relationship?" you ask? ANY and ALL of them!

This is important to consider with your spouse, "significant other", your children, your parents, your family as a whole, your friends and co-workers and any other relationship that you have.

One of the things I state in today's podcast (which, obviously I believe to be true) is that most of the problems we have in our relationships comes from us wanting to be a TAKER instead of a GIVER.

Many times, often without even realizing it, we slip into the "what's in it for me" mode. Anytime this happens, that relationship is headed for trouble! Yes, it can be stopped and repaired - IF we recognize the problem soon enough and are willing to do something about the problem.

However, the problem with this problem (too many problems?) is that we are often the last to want to admit that WE might be the problem!

In any of the relationship listed above this can - and often does - come into play. Perhaps your friend, spouse, etc. is not spending as much time with you as before for some reason. Even if it is a very good reason we often get our feelings hurt and begin to express the thought of, "You don't love me anymore!" or "You don't care about our friendship like you used to!".

Broken down and interpreted: "You're not giving me what I want!" We have become a TAKER.

CLARIFICATION #2: I do understand that there are people that can be a giver and/or a taker to the extreme and that both are unhealthy! I have known people that were givers to the point that they became "enablers". Sometimes people in this category work so hard on trying to please everyone (is that even possible?) that they drive themselves to misery. I also understand that there are those that are 100% TAKERS! They have no concern for anyone else and all they want is what they want! They do nothing but take, take, take and, often, prey on those that we just talked about -- the "ultimate givers" in our world. Again, I understand that these situations exist and I also know that both of these extremes are very unhealthy!

However - today I am trying to talk about our general attitudes about our relationships and NOT about the extremes.

Let's just admit it? We ALL can and DO get jealous from time to time! This jealousy doesn't even have to have anything at all to do with another person. ANYTHING that takes an important person away from us sometimes makes us jealous! So, although this is fairly normal, let's be careful not to accept it as o.k.!

Here's the bottom line - in ANY relationship if BOTH parties are trying to be a GIVER instead of a TAKER, guess what happens?

One, it's going to be an awesome thing to experience because your focus is no longer on yourself - but on the other person! ANY time we remove ourselves from the center of our universe, good things can happen!

Two, when both are focused on begin givers, each WILL receive in the process! Awesome, isn't it?

How much should each person contribute to the relationship? Many will say it's a 50/50 proposition - each should contribute 50% equally!

I don't agree! I believe it to be a 100/100 proposition - each should give 100% and nothing less!

You see, this idea of, "I'll do this IF you will agree to do something for me" is a bunch of HOG WASH! (Look it up).

We should NEVER put conditions on being a GIVER. We GIVE simply because it is what we desire to do and be!

Don't keep score! "I've been GIVING for three days now and he/she hasn't done anything to give back to me yet!" If you're keeping score then you are not being genuine in your giving.

Just try it. See what happens. Just imagine what would happen in all of our relationships if we all had the thought, "What can I do for you?" in our minds instead of, "What can you do for me?".

In all areas of your life - both in relationships talked about in today's podcast and blog as well as with yesterday's thoughts - seek to be a GIVER and not a TAKER and see what happens!

I think you'll be glad you did.

And, as always...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"


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