"RELATIONSHIPS: Family" This entry marks the last in this discussion of "relationships" and I appreciate you for taking the time to read and/or listen to these. (Yes, you can access the podcast of all of my topics by going to http://www.michaelspillman.com/ ).
We have gone through a wide range of relationships from those that we come into contact with on a "semi-regular" basis such as a waiter or waitress, check out clerk or a parking attendant to name a few. We have also looked at the relationships that we have with our coworkers, our boss and different levels of our friends.
Now we look at what may be the most difficult level of relationships that we all deal with in our lives - our FAMILY.
Now, before I go any further let me say this - for some of you, you may feel that the relationship that you have with your CLOSET FRIEND like we discussed in the last article is one that is closer than anyone in your family. And, this may be true. After all, there are times that you share things with a close friend that you are afraid to bring up to someone in your family at the time. Perhaps you run it by the friend first to see what advice they may give you. This - among others - is one reason it is SO important to pick those close friends carefully! If you are going to ask and perhaps follow their advice then you need to make sure that the advice they give is actually GOOD advice.
I know from my own experiences growing up - as likely many of you can agree - that I got along better with my friends than I did my own brothers and sisters. One reason is that I didn't LIVE with my friends! Spending the amount of time with ANYONE that you spend with your immediate family might create problems.
By the way, this is one of the main attractions in an affair. That person that you are "attracted" to is one that, likely, is always "at their best" for you. You don't see them with baby food splattered on their dress and they don't see YOU with your "slobber trail" on your face first thing in the morning. It's easy to be attracted to what you don't see and/or deal with on a daily basis. That's one reason we say in MOST of our wedding vows something along the line of, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".
Hey listen, family is not always what it should be.
Why? Because, again, they are human just as you and I are. Tough break, huh?
I know for those of you that are doing everything you can to develop and maintain a positive attitude that, sometimes, some members of our family actually act as a "roadblock" in this effort. I probably see this brought up in every discussion when someone decides to step out and try to improve their situation.
Hey, it doesn't even have to be when someone tries to get involved in some sort of "opportunity"! I've even heard from some that get criticized just because they seek out and read as much positive information (like this) as possible.
WHAT'S THE DEAL?
Honestly, I think it's the same deal with family as it is with anyone else. Anytime you try to better yourself you tend to force those around you (including family) to put the spot light on their own lives and their own decisions in this area. And, most don't like what they find. So, instead of putting the effort into improving their own lives, they find it easier to try to destroy YOUR efforts instead.
It would be nice if family reacted better than that but, many times, they just don't. So, what do you do about that?
When it comes to others in our lives it is likely easier to distance ourselves from those that try to derail our efforts than it is to do so with family. ESPECIALLY if you are living in the same house with them. You can try to talk to/with them and simply ask them how reading and absorbing positive information is something that is going to anything for you (and them!) but help.
Many people struggle with this with their own spouse. Ouch!
I honestly cannot tell you what to do in your situation but I would suggest first and foremost that you simply try to get them "on board" with you. Sometimes it is easier to let them SEE the change and difference in your life than it is to try to TELL them the benefits. Don't criticize them and tell them that THEY need to start getting into this stuff because by doing so you are indicating to them that they are not where they need to be. Sure, it may be true but to make them feel that way is going to do nothing but lead you to an argument.
In ALL of this - and I am talking specifically about your relationship with your spouse - TRUTH and HONESTY is the most important ingredient that you MUST have in this relationship.
Just like the relationship with your close friends that we discussed in the last article, it is AN ABSOLUTE MUST when you start talking about your spouse.
I have read in discussion groups of some talking about the fact that they bought into some sort of program behind their spouse's back and that, when they see them "coming around", they were going to tell them. DISASTER IN THE WORKS!!
TRUTH.
HONESTY.
I could write PAGES on this part but I won't (for now). As I said on the podcast version of this topic, if you don't have this in your relationship, you have nothing.
When you lie to your spouse you are DESTROYING that relationship. Oh please, stop trying to use that "white lie" or "for their own good" crap.
Picture it this way: Your relationship is a beautifully sculptured rock with much time and effort having been put into it to create this masterpiece. Every time you lie or are dishonest in any way is like you taking a chisel and chipping away at that masterpiece. Sure, the first few "chippings" may not seem to have any effect but, over time, each and every stroke contributes to it's total destruction.
Too many of us wonder what happened when it seemingly crumbles before us "out of the clear blue". It didn't happen overnight or "out of the clear blue". Don't ever forget that.
I'd love to hear from you on anything that I have shared with you on this series. Please feel free to share with me any thoughts and ideas on this - I'd love to hear from you.
Bottom line in ALL of your relationships - TRUTH and HONESTY will always bring about the BEST in any and all of your relationships.
TRUTH + HONESTY = TRUST.
Until next time...
"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"
Mike
