Stop Comparing Yourself to Others (Follow YOUR Purpose)

If you were to be completely honest with yourself, how often would you admit that you spend comparing yourself - any part of your life - to someone else? Perhaps you compare different areas or parts of your life to theirs. Their house? Car? Job? Relationship? Vacations? Looks? 

Most of us would not want to admit such but, the truth is, that we likely DO compare ourselves to others in some way from time to time. 

Make sure you read the above graphic and follow what it says. 

   1. Do NOT waste one more minute comparing yourself to other people

   2. This journey is YOURS alone

   3. God needs you to fulfill YOUR purpose - not to try to fulfill someone else's

Listen, our young people really struggle with this - comparing themselves to others and, often, feeling that they come up short. They will then, also, relate that to the fact that they are just not "good enough". 

Here's the thing: it's hard for us to help them avoid such mind games if we are doing the same thing. You DO KNOW they see right through things that you think they'd never notice, RIGHT??

You gain NOTHING by comparing yourself to others. Absolutely nothing. 

If you haven't read the previous articles in this series, be sure to do so...especially the last one where the fact that NO ONE ELSE IS LIKE YOU. And, friend, that makes you pretty awesome!

One of the things that I talk about in the podcast is the fact that we don't know everything about those with which we may compare ourselves. Be sure and take a listen (link below) because, again, though I talk about the same topic, there are different thoughts discussed there.

Here's the kicker: There are others out there that are you looking at you and they are comparing themselves to YOU and they wish they had your talents and abilities or...fill in the blank.

So, why don't we all just be the best that we can be and live OUR purpose - not anyone else's - and live that life of purpose with passion?

That would be pretty cool, right? 

Yes, as a matter of fact, it would be pretty cool and it IS pretty cool. 

So, do THAT and, as you do so, always be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Future You University   FYU on Facebook!   Podcast on iTunes   Podcast RSS feed

YouTube     Future You Travel

Addressng the "YOU Fund Me" Mentality

It has probably been a week now since I published the podcast and Vlog on this topic. That is one reason I really suggest that you listen/watch those along with reading this article. I do not have a script that I follow and, due to the time that has gone by, there will definitely be some different and/or additional thoughts on this topic that you won't get by just accessing this topic via one channel. 

This thought all came about from what I witnessed one day a little over a week ago. Sure, I'm used to seeing people with signs asking for donations standing by the entrance/exit to one particular store that I go to at least once a week. However, on this particular day, I exited this store by a different way and found a guy holding up a sign that said, "EMERGENCY" across the top with an elderly person wrapped up in blankets and in a wheelchair a few feet away. I slowed down for a moment thinking that this might be a real emergency and then read the rest of his sign, "Cancer Co-Payment Needed". 

Others - including my wife - told me that they have seen this same guy with the same "EMERGENCY" word scribbled at the top of a sign but with different "needs" addressed on the rest of the sign.  One thing I thought was, "If this was a REAL emergency, I think he would likely find other ways to try to raise the money besides standing where he was holding up a sign". 

One thing I thought was that he might even try one of those "YOU Fund Me" approaches that I see others use so often. (Now, obviously, I have changed the name of one particular source, but I think you get the idea).

Long story short, I went to the main page of this "YOU Fund Me" group and read several "success stories" of some that had used this approach and I became a bit frustrated. 

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I do know and understand that, at times, this is a valuable tool to help with certain needs.  

However, I noticed many that featured people that received this type of funding for things that weren't necessities but, rather,  "wants".  Yes, they may have been "noble" or even "honest" but they were things that people used to accept the responsibility of raising the wanted funds themselves. 

For example, one "success story" featured a young lady that had received funding to further her education while another featured a young man that belonged to an organization of "scouts" that had received funding for a particular project that he needed to do with this organization. Both of these situations are "desires" or "wants" and not necessities. No, higher education is not a "right" or even an absolute necessity. It is a desire - yes, a "noble" or worthy desire - but, again, one that people used to do whatever they had to do to accomplish the funding of that desire.

WHY?

This mentality and approach is killing our society in the United States of America and, it doesn't matter where you are from, it will kill your society as well if allowed to take root in the mindset of it's people.

This goes along closely with one of my recent articles, "Water Your Own Grass". If you've not read it yet, take the time to do so.  

Yes, we are here to help each other along the way but, friend, we MUST NOT expect others to take care of things for us in our own lives that we can - and should - take care of ourselves.

We need to teach the RESPECT and PRIDE to our children that comes in putting in the effort that it takes to ACHIEVE these things on our own even though, at times, it may be difficult.

Again, please take the time to listen and/or watch the podcast and/or Vlog (links below) on this topic for much more discussion.

There is a sense of accomplishment that is being neglected when we look to others to fulfill our efforts for things that we want in our lives and, yes, even those things that we need.

Think about it and, until next time, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Future You University   FYU on Facebook!   Podcast on iTunes   Podcast RSS feed

YouTube

Copy Those That DO!

That's a pretty powerful quote shown in the above graphic, isn't it? We'll get to it in a few moments but, first, let me continue on with today's story that is continued from the story in the LAST blog. Got all of that?

If you haven't done so yet, be sure to go back and read the last blog article because today's article is DIRECTLY tied in to what took place with the situation that I discussed there. 

Picking up where I left off in the last article, Asher (my 3 year old grandson) had enjoyed an afternoon of being in a friend's pool last weekend when he and his sister, Em (4.5 years old) came for a visit to our house. He had done the same thing that his sister had done for much of the afternoon - he stayed really close to my wife, hanging on and not wanting to take a chance being away from the "safety" of hanging on. This was despite the fact that he was wearing a life jacket. 

I was busy with Em, helping her finally trust me to the point that she stopped clinging to me and started enjoying being able to splash around the pool and even move around a bit with her life jacket on and a "swim noodle" wrapped around her. And, she finally got rid of the swim noodle and enjoyed getting around with just her life jacket on. 

Asher had watched all of this and, once he saw his sister taking that step and seeing her enjoy the "freedom" that came with taking action based on her trust, he decided to do the same thing. 

He watched someone who was DOING (his sister) and decided that he, too, could do the same thing!

Hey, don't miss this important point: SOMEONE IS WATCHING YOU! That's a bit of a "side track note" from the main thing we'll be discussing today, but it is IMPORTANT for us to realize this fact in ANY area and EVERY area of our lives. 

Now I'll get back to the main focus of this article - in any area of your life in which you seek improvement, FOLLOW THOSE THAT ARE SUCCESSFUL. And, by the way, the only ones that are successful are those that "do" as opposed to those that "talk". 

I've discussed before about the decision that you will have to make in this process when you do this, which is: Are you willing to DO what they have DONE for the success that you seek?

In my example, Asher watched his sister Em SUCCESSFULLY let go of her fears, trust her "Poppa" and actively enjoy her time in the pool even more than she had been doing. She acted, he watched and then he, too, took action.

That's how it works, friend!

It's also important to be careful of who it is that you watch, observe, "copy" and follow! Again, only copy and follow those that DO and that DO so SUCCESSFULLY. 

Whether it is concerning parenting, your marriage or other relationships, your job and/or career as well as your goals and dreams - seek out those that have done it successfully and perhaps are STILL doing so. If possible, take advantage of the opportunity to visit those that are still around and "pick their brain" as to the "secret of their success". 

Several weeks back I talked about learning from "Other People's Mistakes" and I called it "O.P.M Wisdom". In the same - but opposite - way, we can also learn from "Other People's Successes", which we would call "O.P.S Wisdom". 

So, who are YOU watching? Are you paying attention and even taking notice of those that are successful in whatever area it is that you seek success as well? 

Watch. Observe. And then copy those that DO. 

As always, if you haven't done so yet, you need to listen to the podcast on today's topic. Just click one of the links at the bottom of this article to do so. There is SO MUCH MORE information and additional thoughts that I share with you there that is not found in this article. 

If you listen by going to iTunes, please take a moment and leave a review - I thank you in advance! Also, be sure to stop by the FYU fan page on Facebook and let me know that you left that review AND to just say "hello" and let me know that you are benefiting from Future You University. 

As always, THANKS for joining me today and, please, share this with as many as possible and always be sure to keep moving forward, closer to your dream!

And, until next time, whatever you do,  be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Future You University   FYU on Facebook!   Podcast on iTunes   Podcast RSS feed

The POWER of ONE DAY! (part 4: BULLYING cont'd)

If you've not done so, please be sure to go back and read the first 3 installments in this series so that you can be "up-to-date" on everything leading up to today's blog entry.

In the last blog I talked about the fact that bullying has been around for a very long time - perhaps even since the beginning of time. Does the fact that this problem has been around so long leave us with no hope of being able to do anything about it?

NO!

Before I get started with some suggestions of what we CAN do let me first state that I don't think we will ever completely rid our world of this problem. Again, that doesn't mean that we throw our hands up in despair thinking that there is nothing we can do if we can't stop it completely. There are a LOT of problems that have been around in our world for a very long time that we have the power to IMPROVE even though we cannot rid our world of them forever. Crime, for example, is one of those problems that fit this thought.

Along that same line let me also say that all the rules and laws in the world will not rid our world of this problem. So, am I saying that we should not have consequences in place for those that bully others. Not at all. I just want to make sure that we understand that, though it is important to have rules and punishments in place to serve as deterrents, these will still never stop the problem completely. Again, look at crime of any kind and you will see this point played out.

All of that being said brings me to this main point: IF WE ARE TO MAKE AN IMPACT IN THIS AREA THEN WE MUST REALIZE THAT THE ANSWER MUST START WITH US!

The solution - the ANSWER - must begin with you and with me. We cannot wait for others and we cannot wait for and expect rules and laws to do it for us. WE, friend, must take action and we must take action NOW!

So, here are a few suggestions that I have to help. I would love to hear your feedback and additional ideas that you may have about this as well.

1. ADULTS must set the example! Young people often (if not always) pick up their ideas of how to treat others from their parents or other adults that are around them. This can be parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles as well as people like teachers and coaches. How do THESE people treat others? I have seen, heard and experienced some of the most hateful and rude actions and words come from adults. And, sadly, many times in the presence of a young person. What do you think the young person learns from what they observe from YOU?

2. ADULTS must be AWARE!  There are several ways that we, as adults, must "open our eyes" and be aware at how prevalent this issue of bullying really is in our world. Here are a few examples:

     a. Be aware of your surroundings - I know that some will think I'm going a bit far in this but I feel that this is part of the problem. We don't want to see things as they are and then we want to scratch our heads and wonder what the problem is. Pay attention to what is coming into your home via your television, for example. Have you ever paid attention to how many television programs have "misfits" in them? Sure, sometimes the programs do this and try to teach a lesson on "acceptance" but, often, it is done for comedic purposes. Adults, what are YOUR comments about such a character as you watch a program like this? What kinds of comments come from YOUR mouth? "Oh, but it's just a television show!" Sure it is, but the words that come from your mouth are REAL and the ears that travel into the minds of those young people around you are REAL as well!

     b. Be aware of MORE surroundings - Call me old fashioned and/or nosey but, friend, I think it's time YOU got a little nosey and became aware of what is going on in the life of your child (pre-teen, teen and even college age) when it comes to social media. Yes, I understand that if one of your children are college age and have purchased their own phone, etc. that this presents a different approach but, it still should involve YOU - the adult - in helping that young adult conduct themselves in a positive way. For those of you with children at home - GET NOSEY AND GET INVOLVED! Do NOT allow "out of view" access to the Internet in your house. Again, call me old fashioned if you want but I believe this problem DEMANDS some extraordinary actions on the part of adults! Along the same lines, do NOT allow "unchecked" use and access to texts. In my opinion you, as an adult, should require periodic, unannounced checking of your child's phone for two reasons: 1. to make sure they are not taking part in bullying and, 2. to make sure they are not being bullied. WAKE UP and get involved in the life of your child!

3. ADULTS must STAND UP and take the LEAD! Everything I've talked about so far has been about us, as adults, taking more responsibility in this area. As adults we must understand that this problem is NOT going to go away by itself. As adults, especially as parents we must not fool ourselves into thinking, "My child wouldn't do something like that!". It may be true that under most situations your child would NOT participate in bullying. But, again, going back to my last article, sometimes a person can get involved in bullying as a way to keep from being bullied and/or to feel like they, themselves, are being accepted and that they belong, even if that "belonging" is with a less than desirable group of people.

We, as adults must wake up and get involved in the lives of our children and the children that come into our care in any way. We must be involved so that our young people will have SOMEONE that they feel like they can talk to if they feel that they are being bullied. The same must be true for the young person that has begun to bully others and doesn't like how it feels but doesn't know how to stop without being an outcast (see last paragraph).

We, as adults, must also wake up and get involved and provide an opportunity for the bully to express what is going on in their life as well. I firmly believe that bullying is a REACTION or an ACTING OUT due to a problem in that person's life. Instead of immediately condemning the one that bullies, we need to also try to do all we can to help that person. Does that make sense? There is an issue there that needs to be addressed!

Have I stressed the fact enough that this all begins with ADULTS?

We cannot teach and/or correct if we don't first SHOW, by our actions, what it is to respect those that are around us.

I look forward to your comments and thoughts. In my next article - part 5 - I will "change speeds" and look at the POSITIVE things that each of us can do in our lives that very well may change OUR lives (and the lives of those around us) forever.

Friend, just remember, you and I hold so much POWER in what we do and say each and every day. Don't EVER forget that.

Be sure to join me in my next part of this series - you won't want to miss it!  I also encourage you to check out the podcast by either going to the feed on iTunes or the RSS feed.

Until then, whatever you do, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike                       Future You University        "Like" FYU on Facebook!      MichaelSpillman.com

POSITION Does Not Make a LEADER!

"Position Does NOT Make a Leader!"

 

("LIKE" us on Facebook!)

 

 

"It's GOOD to be King!"

 

We've seen movies and other shows that have shown someone in power proclaiming this while enjoying the "benefits" of being in charge. However, we've also seen many movies and shows also reflect those in such power bemoaning the fact that their subjects don't love or respect them.

 

This is just not true in movies - it's been reported and repeated all through history and, yet, it seems that many - still today - have not learned the simple truth that POSITION does NOT make a LEADER.

 

Have you ever worked for/with someone like this? The answer is likely, "YES!"

 

I've seen and heard of many situations where a person comes out of college or some special program - usually much younger than those that they will be working with - and be placed in a POSITION of "leadership" and think that it qualifies them for instant respect and instant followers.

 

WRONG ANSWER - WRONG THOUGHT - WRONG APPROACH!

 

Remember, POSITION does NOT make a LEADER!

 

You would think that, as I pointed out in the first few paragraphs, we would learn this lesson from histroy. But, even worse than us not learning this from past "ancient" history, I see those that don't even learn this from present, every day examples.

 

I recently heard a man that is in a POSITION of "leadership" state to his workers that he didn't care about them and that they were there to do the work that he told them to do. Along with telling them that he didn't care about them he also told them his philosophy was, "I say - you do!"

 

How many of his workers do you think respect him? Not many, if any. Oh, there are a lot of them that are AFRAID of him because they fear being fired if they don't follow his philosophy but, the truth is (and will ALWAYS be) that this man will NEVER get the full potential out of his workers with this mindset. Never.

 

So, if you work for or with someone like this then it is DOUBLY important for you to dig deep and supply yourself with as much positive ammunition (like this blog and my podcast/videocast) as you can in order to keep your attitude as it needs to be. Believe me when I say that your coworkers NEED that from you because many - if not most - of them don't have the same approach to life as you do and they need your attitude and mindset to help teach, lead and empower them to make it through such a mindset from someone in charge.

 

Again, "in charge" does not make one "a leader".

 

And, finally, if YOU are one with this type of mindset then let me get straight to the point - STOP IT! I can promise you this: if you believe this and have this approach, YOU WILL FAIL! Oh, you may have some "success" but you will NEVER achieve what is possible with this type of approach. Just like the man I described before, you will never get the full potential out of those that you are in charge of and, the truth is that if you cannot get the full potential out of those that you are in charge of then you will never reach YOUR full potential with your company.

 

That, my friend, is the HONEST TRUTH.

 

So, what DOES make one a leader?

 

We will be taking a look at that question in the next few blogs and podcasts/videocasts to come. The podcast is already up and can be found at www.FutureYouUniversity.com by clicking on the video cast tab and then clicking on either the iTunes logo or the Hipcast RSS feed logo. The vidoe cast for this segment will also be found there very soon.

 

Think about all of this and do what you MUST do to combat the negativity that will likely come with this attitude. And, again, if you are guilty of this mindset then determine NOW that you MUST change and become more than just a person who holds a position. Determine now that you WILL become an actual LEADER.

 

Until next time - "Be sure to make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is gonig to do it for you?)"

 

Mike



So, Winner or Loser?

Hook up with me on my Facebook fan page at: www.facebook.com/FutureYouUniversity

So, the other day I had a teenager called me a "loser". It was a little bit in a joking way but, at the same time, he was trying to be a bit insulting. My reply?   "No sir, I've always been a winner and I will always be a winner. Let me know when you'd like to experience the same!"

After that little conversation I got to thinking, "What is it that has someone come up with the idea that they are either a winner or a loser?" Sure, I know that "self-talk" and "self-belief" has a lot to do with it but, what I began to question was what about those people (young people, for example) that never learn those practices? What determines for them - in their minds - whether they are winners or losers?

Many of you may not know but my wife and I have been working with foster kids for the past 8 months (as I write this) and it is easy to see where many of these young people can get the "I'm a loser" mentality. But, is it all environment?

I am not sure that you could ever say that it is ALL environment but, with certainty, I can say that environment plays a HUGE and MAJOR part in the development of one's own self-worth.

Let's get personal. What about YOU and your view of your self-worth. Do you view yourself as a WINNER or a LOSER? Think about it...be open and honest and take a moment, go to the website for my fan page above and leave your thoughts. Or, if that is too public, you can send me an e-mail at mike@futureyouuniversity.com - I won't reveal any pertinent information about anything sent to me via that e-mail address but I may share just the general thoughts shared there. If you'd rather me not share anything that you share with me - I will keep your wish, o.k.?

So...WINNER or LOSER... which is it and how have you come to that conclusion? I'm waiting to hear from YOU!

Until then, whatever you do, wherever you go, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

PRIORITIES: Are They YOURS?

(be sure to check out the podcast on iTunes or on the RSS feed)

Have you ever received an e-mail that was marked as "priority"? You know, the ones with the red exclamation marks by them indicating that this is something REALLY important (a priority, right?) that you MUST open right away! And, friend, how many times has this actually been true? Yeah, hardly ever - IF ever - for me, either.

Have you ever had a friend call you, text you, e-mail you and tell you that they had an emergency and that they needed your help RIGHT AWAY only to find out it was nothing of any major importance...at least to you? I'm sure most - if not all - of you have had someone in a position "above you" at work drop something on your desk telling you that this needed to be done A.S.A.P. and that it was of "utmost importance". And, have you rushed to get it done while leaving a lot of other things UNdone only to find out that it sat on that person's desk for a week after you got it to them "A.S.A.P."?

I have a sign somewhere that used to hang in my office that reads, "Lack of planning on your part does NOT mean an emergency on mine."

GOOD POINT.

As you go through that list that shows your daily activities and as you begin to see what your priorities actually are (not what you WISH they were) you need to also begin to ascertain something else. How many of these priorities are actually YOURS? (By the way, if you've not done these lists, go back and listen to yesterday's podcast and read yesterday's blog and get going on it!).

I hate having to do so many "disclaimers" but I feel that I must because there are so many people that are just waiting for someone to give them "permission" to feel good about their wrong ideas (even if that "permission" is a twisting of what is actually said). So, here we go...

DISCLAIMER: The fact that you'd rather be doing something different does NOT mean that a particular priority in your life is not necessary. EXAMPLE: Sure, I'm guessing ANYONE would rather be doing something else besides changing a diaper and wiping up drool but, if that is where you are in your life right now, it IS a priority and it IS necessary. DO NOT take that to mean that it is someone else's priority and think that you shouldn't be doing that particular thing.

There, now are we on the same page?

Here's the point I'm trying to make about all of this...don't let someone else determine the size of your dreams (one of my "7 Daily Affirmations") and don't let someone else determine what is to be of importance in your life.

For example, many may try to convince you that you need to be working as many hours as possible while you can and that your children won't mind because you'll be able to furnish them with all of the "cool STUFF" that so many other kids wish they had. Don't buy into that! I often heard it said that no one, at the end of their life, ever says "I wish I had spent more time at the office" but many DO say, "I wish I had spent more time with my kids!".

Our oldest son and his wife recently had their first baby (our first GRANDbaby) and she is now almost 4 months old. They cannot hardly believe that she is already that age. JUST WAIT (and yes, I've told them), it goes by SO fast...WAY too fast. No matter how young your children are please get this - YOU ONLY HAVE A FEW YEARS TO MAKE A MAJOR IMPACT ON THEIR LIVES! Do not allow anyone else to convince you that something else is of more importance than this.

Hey, even take a look at your career. Is it something that is important to YOU or to someone else? (Again, I'm not giving you "permission" to back up an idiotic idea that you should quit work and go sell shells in a shack by the sea shore. Wow, that was almost a tongue twister!) But is this something YOU wanted to do or is it something someone else decided (and put pressure on you about) was what you needed to do with your life.

Notice the last two words in that last sentence...YOUR LIFE!

So yeah, you have some more homework to do going all the way back to that original list showing your daily activities. Now, go through your "priorities" that are made evident to you and determine how many of these are actually YOUR priorities.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Until next time, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Changes: They Just Keep on Coming!

CHANGES: They Just Keep on Coming!

It's been a while since I posted my last blog article but my guess is that you have experienced several changes since that last posting, right?

As I said recently, the only constant thing about change is that it is constant! Things constantly change!

Hey, I have to brag for a moment... since my last article my wife and I (as well as our oldest son and his wife) have gone through a HUGE and WONDERFUL change! We welcomed our first little grandbaby girl into the world just a few short days ago. We told our son and his wife that their life is now changed forever - but it is a POSITIVE change that will be well worth anything and everything that comes about because of this change.

Now, you think for a few moments and try to think of how many changes have taken place in YOUR own life since my last article was posted back on November 11, 2011.

Well?

I can just about assure you that there has been more changes than you realized IF you really take the time to think about it.

Try to categorize those changes into the categories that I mentioned in my last article. In case you don't remember or don't want to go back and search, here they are:

TYPES OF CHANGES: (1)Those we voluntarily bring on ourselves... (2) those that we have no choice in but are not "against" us (change of seasons, life changes due to age, etc.)... (3)those that come at us DUE TO our actions and (4) those that come to us 100% involuntarily and at no fault of our own.

For today, let's discuss those in category 1: Those that we voluntarily bring on ourselves. A prime example would be the decision that my son and his wife made to have their first child. Voluntary for sure but a decision that will bring MAJOR CHANGE into their lives and, to be honest, not all of them will be changes that will always bring joy into their lives.

I talk to a lot of people that gripe and complain about situations in their life that, after talking to them for a bit and more information is revealed, are due to CHOICES that were made VOLUNTARILY by them! No one else FORCED them to make those decisions or choices.

I talked to a guy earlier today that wasn't complaining or griping but was telling me he was having to sell just about everything he had because he was out of work. Why was he out of work? Because he couldn't "take the crap" (his words) anymore so he quit.

It was his choice and I hope that he is happy with the choice that he made and I hope that he will be able to provide for he and his wife due to this voluntary change.

What changes have taken place in YOUR life due to YOU willingly, and voluntarily making a CHOICE that brought about this change?

Hey, bottom line: they don't always turn out the way we think, right?

Been there, done that!

So, key lesson with this: THINK AND THINK HARD BEFORE YOU MAKE THAT CHOICE!

Sometimes - many times - it is the RIGHT choice that needs to be made and, at other times, it's not necessary and is due to our impatience.

Think about it, examine the changes in your life that fit this category and see if there is some way for you to make the most out of the changes that you brought into your life voluntarily.

Sometimes it takes us being HONEST with ourselves and ADMITTING that we actually are the ones responsible for those changes EVEN IF THEY DON'T TURN OUT THE WAY WE WANTED OR EXPECTED!

Fair enough?

I hope to get a few more of these articles out sooner than I have been able to do so recently so be watching and listening to the podcasts that I will be recording with them. As always you can access all of this information at my website www.FutureYouUniversity.com

Take care, friend and, as always, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

This entry marks the last in this discussion of "relationships" and I appreciate you for taking the time to read and/or listen to these. (Yes, you can access the podcast of all of my topics by going to http://www.michaelspillman.com/ ).

We have gone through a wide range of relationships from those that we come into contact with on a "semi-regular" basis such as a waiter or waitress, check out clerk or a parking attendant to name a few. We have also looked at the relationships that we have with our coworkers, our boss and different levels of our friends.

Now we look at what may be the most difficult level of relationships that we all deal with in our lives - our FAMILY.

Now, before I go any further let me say this - for some of you, you may feel that the relationship that you have with your CLOSET FRIEND like we discussed in the last article is one that is closer than anyone in your family. And, this may be true. After all, there are times that you share things with a close friend that you are afraid to bring up to someone in your family at the time. Perhaps you run it by the friend first to see what advice they may give you. This - among others - is one reason it is SO important to pick those close friends carefully! If you are going to ask and perhaps follow their advice then you need to make sure that the advice they give is actually GOOD advice.

I know from my own experiences growing up - as likely many of you can agree - that I got along better with my friends than I did my own brothers and sisters. One reason is that I didn't LIVE with my friends! Spending the amount of time with ANYONE that you spend with your immediate family might create problems.

By the way, this is one of the main attractions in an affair. That person that you are "attracted" to is one that, likely, is always "at their best" for you. You don't see them with baby food splattered on their dress and they don't see YOU with your "slobber trail" on your face first thing in the morning. It's easy to be attracted to what you don't see and/or deal with on a daily basis. That's one reason we say in MOST of our wedding vows something along the line of, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".

Hey listen, family is not always what it should be.

Why? Because, again, they are human just as you and I are. Tough break, huh?

I know for those of you that are doing everything you can to develop and maintain a positive attitude that, sometimes, some members of our family actually act as a "roadblock" in this effort. I probably see this brought up in every discussion when someone decides to step out and try to improve their situation.

Hey, it doesn't even have to be when someone tries to get involved in some sort of "opportunity"! I've even heard from some that get criticized just because they seek out and read as much positive information (like this) as possible.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

Honestly, I think it's the same deal with family as it is with anyone else. Anytime you try to better yourself you tend to force those around you (including family) to put the spot light on their own lives and their own decisions in this area. And, most don't like what they find. So, instead of putting the effort into improving their own lives, they find it easier to try to destroy YOUR efforts instead.

It would be nice if family reacted better than that but, many times, they just don't. So, what do you do about that?

When it comes to others in our lives it is likely easier to distance ourselves from those that try to derail our efforts than it is to do so with family. ESPECIALLY if you are living in the same house with them. You can try to talk to/with them and simply ask them how reading and absorbing positive information is something that is going to anything for you (and them!) but help.

Many people struggle with this with their own spouse. Ouch!

I honestly cannot tell you what to do in your situation but I would suggest first and foremost that you simply try to get them "on board" with you. Sometimes it is easier to let them SEE the change and difference in your life than it is to try to TELL them the benefits. Don't criticize them and tell them that THEY need to start getting into this stuff because by doing so you are indicating to them that they are not where they need to be. Sure, it may be true but to make them feel that way is going to do nothing but lead you to an argument.

In ALL of this - and I am talking specifically about your relationship with your spouse - TRUTH and HONESTY is the most important ingredient that you MUST have in this relationship.

Just like the relationship with your close friends that we discussed in the last article, it is AN ABSOLUTE MUST when you start talking about your spouse.

I have read in discussion groups of some talking about the fact that they bought into some sort of program behind their spouse's back and that, when they see them "coming around", they were going to tell them. DISASTER IN THE WORKS!!

TRUTH.

HONESTY.

I could write PAGES on this part but I won't (for now). As I said on the podcast version of this topic, if you don't have this in your relationship, you have nothing.

When you lie to your spouse you are DESTROYING that relationship. Oh please, stop trying to use that "white lie" or "for their own good" crap.

Picture it this way: Your relationship is a beautifully sculptured rock with much time and effort having been put into it to create this masterpiece. Every time you lie or are dishonest in any way is like you taking a chisel and chipping away at that masterpiece. Sure, the first few "chippings" may not seem to have any effect but, over time, each and every stroke contributes to it's total destruction.

Too many of us wonder what happened when it seemingly crumbles before us "out of the clear blue". It didn't happen overnight or "out of the clear blue". Don't ever forget that.

I'd love to hear from you on anything that I have shared with you on this series. Please feel free to share with me any thoughts and ideas on this - I'd love to hear from you.

Bottom line in ALL of your relationships - TRUTH and HONESTY will always bring about the BEST in any and all of your relationships.

TRUTH + HONESTY = TRUST.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com

My Thoughts on ROLE MODELS

role model - a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be emulated by others, esp. by younger people. (from dictionary.com)

There has been a LOT of discussion over the years concerning this term and exactly WHO and WHO IS NOT to be considered a role model. On the podcast I shared the controversy that surrounded Charles Barkley when he said that he was not, and should not be considered, a role model. This actually happened in 1993 and not in the late 70's or early 80's as I mentioned. (Wow, time DOES fly by!)

I agree with Mr. Barkley when he says that parents should raise their kids and not him, but, like it or not, he was still a role model. Tiger Woods - like it or not - is/was a role model. LeBron James (and the list can go on and on) is a role model whether he wants to be or not.

Some of these athletes, musicians and actors DO realize the huge impact that they have on our young people and they do try to conduct themselves in a way that shows this - but even they make mistakes!

We, as parents, have been a part of this problem. If you haven't done so, go back and listen to yesterday's podcast and read the blog for my discussion of our "Misguided Hero Worship". WE - as parents - must help our children, as they grow, to truly understand and realize who the real heroes are and who the people are that they should actually look to emulate.

People WILL disappoint! People WILL make mistakes! That's just a fact of life and we can use situations like this (the discussions for this week) to help our children and teens understand this. Hey, they will be disappointed in us sooner or later as they begin to get to the age that mom and dad aren't perfect!

Now, if I am going to rant about something on this topic, here it is: The people that claim that they aren't a role model and that they don't want to be a role model yet market themselves to be attractive to young people in order to sell their products. Many of these people will tell you that, yes, they are trying to influence the thinking of our young people - but they don't want to be role models?

YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS!

Here's the thing - we are ALL role models to someone or to a lot of people. Scary, huh? But it's true. Yes, if you have children, you are their role model whether they tell you that or not and whether you want to be or not. It just comes with the territory!

Even when you think your kids/teens aren't listening to you - THEY ARE! Even when you think that your kids/teens aren't watching you - THEY ARE! You can be sure of that.

So, what should we take away from this week's discussions?

1. All of us, famous or not, need to take responsibility for our mistakes and stop making excuses. Remember, for every night there is a morning after! Know that and be prepared to face the consequences when we choose to make unwise decisions.

2. We all need to stop saturating our lives with the media's overkill on any and every subject. Is it really profitable for us to spend THAT much time listening and watching this stuff?

3. Let's all pay attention to and honor the REAL HEROES that surround us everyday and not allow the media to get our attention off of these people. Just because someone is famous and/or rich does NOT make them a hero!

4. Be a role model and help your children pay attention to those people around them that are appropriate role models for them. Again, just because someone is famous and/or rich does not mean that they are someone to emulate.

Again, all of this comes down to a choice - OUR CHOICE on what we allow into our homes and our heads. It's up to YOU to control this and to help teach your children this value for their own lives.

Think about it and...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

AVOID Negativity!

"Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits."

We begin a journey through the alphabet with an emphasis on a word for each letter...today, that emphasis is the letter "a" and the word "AVOID".

Again, I know it is easier to say the point above than it is to live it or put it into practice, but let me also point out that it is an absolute NECESSITY for you to do so if you plan to make any progress in your life. Do you get that? A NECESSITY!

You will not "accidentally" avoid these negative things in your life - you must do so INTENTIONALLY and ON PURPOSE and WITH A PURPOSE in mind! That purpose being your progress toward your goals and dreams.

You can choose to go through your day and your life with no purpose at all - like a boat out on the water without a motor or a sail, at the mercy of the wind and the waves. Just drifting about this way and that - no real focus, goal or direction.

IS THAT REALLY HOW YOU WANT TO LIVE? I'm guessing not.

Realize the importance in your life in ALL areas of your life and regardless of what you do or who you are - this is a MUST!

Parents, by avoiding the negative in our lives we also help protect and teach our children in this area.

Listen to the podcast for added thoughts and ideas on this point.

Do it.

Act upon it.

AVOID IT.

And then move on toward your dreams and goals!

And, all along the way...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

WOW - I'm BEHIND!

I apologize for being so far behind on my blogs - I have no excuse and I will try to catch up as much as possible in today's entry.



Following the FEAR of POVERTY and the FEAR of CRITICISM we began to discuss the next fear in Napoleon Hill's list of the "Six Ghosts of Fear". This all can be found in chapter 15 ("How to Outwith The Six Ghosts of Fear") of his classic book, "Think & Grow Rich".



THE FEAR OF SICKNESS



You likely already know this but, people (yes, even you!) can literally make themselves sick! I had listed on my "status" on Facebook this topic and one of my friends made the comment that they once had a coworker that would end up going home for the day not feeling well if they had discussed at all any type of sickness or someone else that was sick!



Napoleon Hill even talks about an experiment that he had carried out in which he had three different people come in to the "victim" and express the idea that, "Wow, you don't look too good. Are you feeling o.k.?" The "victim" responded to the first query with something along the lines of, "Oh no - I'm doing fine!" However, once the second person came in and asked the same question the "victim" would then respond with something along the lines of, "Well, you know, I am feeling like I'm coming down with something." and then, by the time the third person came in with the same comment, the "victim" would admit that they were, in fact, not well.



Isn't that amazing? Yet, we can do the same thing ourselves AND that being so - out of necessity - it must also be suggested that we can IMPROVE our health by controlling our thoughts!



THIS IS STILL ALL ABOUT OUR MINDS and the THOUGHTS and SUGGESTIONS that we allow there! Mr. Hill states the following: "Powerful and mighty is the human mind! It builds or it destroys!"



What are the SYMPTOMS of this FEAR of SICKNESS?



1. AUTO-SUGGESTION - Huh? Wait a minute! Isn't "auto-suggestion" a positive thing? Well, it CAN be! However, just as we can feed our mind POSITIVE information in order that our subconscious mind can then "automatically suggest" those positive thoughts and beliefs back to us, so is it true with negative thoughts. We can also allow negative thoughts to be fed into our subconscious mind (yes, WE/YOU/I control this!) and that is what we will receive through auto-suggestion. We can so fear getting sick that our subconscious can contiually suggest to us that, indeed, we DO feel bad and ARE getting sick!



2. HYPOCHONDRIA - We all have likely heard this term, right? We call those with this "phobia", "hypochondriacs". Mr. Hill describes this as a medical term for imaginary diseases and he suggests that, many times, what we IMAGINE brings about worse health than the actual disease/sickness feared! He also suggest that NOTHING in a bottle is able to cure this - again, it's all in the mind and we DO have the power and ability to control and CURE this plague from our lives!



3. EXCERCISE - (or the lack of it!) We can't excercise - or so we've told ourselves - because we suffer from this problem or that problem that prevents us from doing so. Poor me!



4. SUSCEPTIBILITY - This fear actually can break down our immune system and make us susceptible to the very sickness that we try to avoid. Worry and fear, again, can literally make us sick. We won't sleep properly, excercise properly, eat properly or think properly which will - in turn - lower our body's ability to fight off the illness.



5. SELF-CODDLING - Directly from this chapter, here is what Mr. Hill has to say about this one... "The habit of making a bid for sympathy, using imaginary illness as a lure. (People often resort to this trick to avoid work). The habit of feigning illness to cover plain laziness, or to serve as an alibi for lack of ambition." Hmmm...know anyone like that?



6. INTEMPERENCE - The habit of using alchohol and narcotics (I would include even prescription or over-the-counter medication) to destroy pains such as headaches, etc. instead of destroying the cause. Maybe even now - in our current situation - spending endless hours looking over medical help websites to try to see what might be something that could fit how we feel (or THINK we feel).



Wow - do you find yourself in there anywhere? Sadly, most of us can probably relate to at least SOME of these symptoms!



Now, listen - I do understand that there ARE some diseases, illness and even headaches that we may not be able to control simply with positive thoughts. However, there are many things that we DO bring on ourselves, wouldn't you agree?



I do know this - a POSITIVE attitude is ALWAYS welcomed by doctors as one prepares for surgery and the recovery to follow. The doctors KNOW that our mindset can make all the difference in the world in how we go through surgery many times as well as how our recovery goes!



Even if you DO feel bad (for example, with a headache) you can still DECIDE how you will allow that headache (or whatever it may be) to control your day! My wife is a pro at this and she amazes me in how she can DETERMINE not to let it impact her day. And she usually succeeds in that task. She will tell me that she is NOT going to let her feeling bad ruin her day and she will put a smile on her face and proceed to, indeed, have a good day IN SPITE of how she feels.



What's the cure of this and the other fears? It's in everything that I (and others like Napoleon Hill) talk about every single day... the fact that YOU/ME/WE have the ability to control our day and our attitudes by our thinking.



Some won't want to hear that. Why? Because some LIKE being sick! (Remember symptom #5?)



PARENTS: Please pay close attention to this! Sickness is BIG BUSINESS! Parents have been sold a bill of goods many times into thinking that their child needs this medication or that medication for this and that to the point that so many of our kids are so "doped up" that they cannot even function properly! (This REALLY gets me angry!). The result? "Oh well, but at least they are behaving themselves." Again, this may step on some toes, but - if it will help some folks WAKE UP - then it's o.k. by me. Parents, most of what has been labled as some "illness" or problem with children (for which prescriptions are given) can be "cured" simply by spending quality time with your child and sharing your life with that child!



This is a whole separate topic but, to the point, we have gotten LAZY in raising our children and many times take the easy way out. It's easier to attach some "name" to the problem and have medicine prescribed and administered than it is to do the "work" of parenting. Ouch!



Here's the thing on ALL of this - creating and maintaing this POSITIVE mindset TAKES WORK! It's something that requires attention each and every day - much like raising a child!



That's why it's so important for you to continue to visit this blog and listen to my podcasts (as well as other's that can help you in this process) each and every day. It's an ON-GOING battle of the mind!



And I'm glad I am able to be a part of the solution - thanks for allowing me into your life.



Keep up the battle - you CAN overcome this fear as well as the others.



And, as always, be sure to remember to...



"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"





Mike