Project 141: RELATIONSHIPS (Part 2..."The Worksheet")

 

It is absolutely necessary for you to read Part 1 BEFORE you get into this article. Get it? Got it? GOOD! I "set the table" for this continuation of those thoughts found in that article.

This part is going to be a little bit different than I had originally planned to incorporate into this section on "Relationships". I do that. My mind says, "Hey, let's delve into THIS a little more" and, next thing you know, I've started making my article longer than planned.

I did record a podcast yesterday that combines both parts 1 and 2 of this part on "Relationships". You can find that podcast HERE. 

Right off, let me emphasize that I am NOT an "expert relationship counselor" or anything like that. I have done quite a bit of marriage counseling from when I was in ministry and I also have 39 years of marriage that brings with it a lot of "first-hand" knowledge in this area.

Again, be sure to go back and read the first part of this series before going any further. This is simply another suggestion that you may want to take a look at and consider in the area of doing something to improve your relationship with your spouse. 

KEY THING TO CONSIDER: Should you go through the information for this "worksheet" by yourself or with your spouse? Here's what I suggest...

If your relationship is currently in a "contentious state" (problems) then I suggest that you do this on your own and be completely honest in all of your answers. Make sure you understand that this exercise is an "inward focusing" exercise. In other words, this is not something for you to do to "point fingers" at your spouse and play the "blame game". If you are not willing to look inwardly during this exercise then, friend, I suggest that you just move on and do some serious thinking about how serious you really are about your relationship.

Blunt, huh?

Now then, IF the two of you are working together on improving your relationship then, you may consider doing this together as long as you still understand that this is an inward-looking exercise and not something designed to "lash out" or try to hurt the other. 

So, here we go and I do suggest that you listen to the podcast on this as well. The verbal along with the written many times make things a little clearer and easier to understand.

Take a few minutes, get out a piece of paper and divide it into 3 columns. First, write down on the left hand side of your paper (1st column)  all of the things that you remember about your spouse that caused you to "fall in love" with them. Then, make a "middle column" and simply answer "yes" or no" to the question: Is this the same? Are those traits still there? (or however you want to word it). NOTICE: I did not say do you FEEL the same way about that...I asked if those traits were actually still there. BIG DIFFERENCE.  Then, make a 3rd column and answer the question if the "change" that has supposedly taken place is due to your spouse or you. In other words, IF there was a change, WHY was there a change?

 Here's an example I put together just to help you out. Make this YOURS and make sure it applies to YOUR situation and, again, MAKE SURE YOU ARE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF!

Let's just use the first entry as an example. In the example above, one of the traits that is listed as something that you "fell in love with" early on was the fact that they were "good looking". Great! Now then, in the 2nd column the question is asked, "Does this trait still exist" or "Is this still true?" The answer I listed - purely as an example - was, "Yes, but different". In other words, "Yes, they are still good looking but in a different way" which leads to column 3 asking, "If there IS a change then, What changed? Who changed? Why the change?" and the very simplistic answer I listed was, "AGE caused the change". 

I'm not trying to over simplify this but to simply give you some ideas. Your "reasons" as to the "why/who/what" may go much, much deeper and that's o.k. Use as much space as you need to write down what you honestly feel and think on this (and ALL of these areas). But, it is very important that you also look at yourself in this and also ask if YOU have changed in this same area as well. In other words, "Hey, have YOU looked in the mirror lately?" This is both PHYSICALLY (you've gotten older as well!) and also taking a look at who you really are on the inside (has your love matured over the years or are you still stuck on things such as "good looks"). 

The real "dig down deep" part of this worksheet is column 3. If you are filling this out by yourself, then say absolutely whatever you feel without worrying about hurting the other's feelings. If you do this, make sure that they DO NOT read this right now!

But, if you are going to do that then, friend, you MUST zero down and look inwardly and ask WHY you feel this way and you may want to do a LOT of "self-examination" on this and see what YOU need to change in this relationship. 

Bottom line: NEITHER OF YOU are the same person that you were when you first met. And, to be honest, you should be glad that you are not, IF you have matured and grown in your life. 

When you do this exercise, I suggest that you ask God to help you "see with new eyes" as you look at your spouse. In other words, sometimes people get fixated on how things "used to be" and, once again, as a reminder, NEITHER of you are the same person that you were before. It's easy for us to get critical of our mate due to things that have taken place over the years that also have impacted us as well. 

Let this worksheet be a GOOD thing in and for your life and relationship. If you approach it the way I suggest and, if you ask God to guide you and help you through the process, I believe it can do just that.

Until next time, remember, YOU'RE HERE FOR A REASON and, whatever you do, always be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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Project 141: RELATIONSHIPS

 

RELATIONSHIPS. They come in all "shapes and sizes", don't they? You have your relationship with your spouse, your parents, your in-laws, your kids, their spouses once they get older, your siblings, co-workers, your boss and just friends, in general. 

I will try to cover several of these areas over the next few blog articles but, as you can probably tell from the picture above, I'm going to start off talking about your relationship with your spouse. Yes, you can re-word that however you want and apply it however you want, but I think you get the idea.

That picture is actually the shadow of my wife and I from a couple of weeks ago when we were out on a day trip. We were actually taking a "selfie" with some beautiful scenery behind us when I noticed the shadow and decided I wanted to take a picture of that as well. 

We will have been married for 39 years toward the end of this coming May. Wow! She's getting old! Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyway, that's a long time to be with someone but, at the same time, her parents have been married for 70 years!!

Straight up...it has NOT been easy! There have been times over the years that both of us "got lazy" and took each other for granted. We have been separated on two different occasions (5 weeks was the longest) and were even on the brink of divorce during that longest period.

But, we are still here and, to be honest, we are STRONGER than ever before...but not by accident. It has taken determination, patience and, plain old WORK!

That is the purpose of talking about my "Project 141" application to this area of RELATIONSHIPS.

With the application of the idea behind "Project 141" be sure to do at least ONE (1) thing every day FOR (4) ONE (1) full year. Yes, every - single - day. At LEAST once a day!

Look at the graphic I put together a few years ago to get a few ideas of a few questions that you might want to consider...

Again, I know some of you would want to list "RELATIONSHIPS" in my list further up the list and that's o.k. Like I've already stated, I put them in this order for a reason and, as a way to recap, here's is my reasoning behind the order of this list.

In my opinion, your SPIRITUAL life/connection should always be #1 on your list. Want to know how to have better relationships? Check your "owners manual" (the Bible) for your directions. Want to improve your "PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT"? Again, check the "owners manual" which, if you go back and read, I pointed out over 3 articles on that specific area on this list. Why did I not put "relationships" in front of either of these. An improved spiritual life/connection will improve every area of your life. In my opinion, working on improving yourself (personal development) and your mind, mindset and attitude will do nothing but improve all of your relationships as well. 

Test me on this and see what you discover.

You CAN NOT take your relationships (ANY of them) for granted! I know it may sound corny but, yes, you need to treat your relationships as if they were a tender plant that needs your attention. Specifically, as we talk about your relationship with your spouse, you must take DAILY care and NEVER take it for granted. If you see this relationship starting to "wilt", don't wait! Let this be a "warning sign" to you that it is in need of some "nourishment" and get at it, friend!

A few years ago, I began writing little notes for my wife and leaving them around for her to find. Actually, this began when we were separated and I knew I had best figure out a way to get her attention and let her know how much I DID love her and how much I DID cherish her and NEED her.  Guess what? After a little while, she started leaving me notes as well.

This might be something that you consider doing for YOUR spouse. Get creative as WHERE to leave the note to surprise your spouse.

Let me emphasize this point. Yes, it's GREAT to leave notes like this but DO NOT allow these notes take the place of you VERBALLY telling your spouse that you love them. SAY the words, "I love you!" no matter how uncomfortable that may be for you at first --SAY IT!

Remember, CHANGE IS NOT EASY and, as "silly" as it may seem to some that are already in the habit of doing things such as this, if you are NOT used to doing so, it WILL take effort and discipline to do SOMETHING every single day!

Here's another suggestion for you if you are finding that you "don't feel" the same way that you used to when you first met. For one, understand that NEITHER of you are the same person that you were when you first met! THIS IS KEY! 

In my next article, I'm going to continue this discussion and share with you a suggested "work sheet" to really "break this down" (the idea stated in the last paragraph) and hopefully help you and your spouse strengthen your relationship.

Until next time, remember, YOU'RE HERE FOR A REASON and, whatever you do, always be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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Mike's Quotes #45: A Level Roller Coaster?

"A level roller coaster would not be much fun." - Mike Spillman (1.8.2019)

Why do you ride a roller coaster? Isn't it for the thrills? Isn't it for the speed, the ups and downs and, even on some, those "upside down" loops that you go through? YEAH!

And, at the same time, if I were to ask some why they DON'T ride a roller coaster, the answer would likely be very similar.

Either way, what makes a roller coaster a roller coaster is what makes it a "must do" for some and a "no way" for others. Point being, "a level roller coaster would not be much fun!"

Can you imagine being on a level roller coaster? No thanks!

But friend, it's the same with life. It's kind of like what I shared via my blog a few months ago when I asked, "If there were no frustrations, would I recognize elation when it arrived?"

Oh, I'm not saying that difficult times are fun but, at the same time, they help me realize that I AM ALIVE and I am a part of this roller coaster ride that we call "life"!

I like to compare it to that long, slow, hard, "up hill" part of a roller coaster ride right at the start. It's not an exciting part of the ride, right? Although, for me, I hate that part because I am afraid of heights. Anyway, this is a part of the process...getting you "high enough" to turn loose and "fly" down the track and to propel you for the rest of the ride. 

When things become difficult and it seems as if everything is "up hill", I try to think about the roller coaster and how I'm about to experience the THRILL of the ride, but only AFTER the up hill struggle. 

"A level roller coaster would not be much fun." In the same way, a life without "ups and downs" might seem attractive but, friend, it would not be a life to experienced by anyone.

Be sure to listen to the podcast and also watch the video by checking out the links below. And, until next time, whatever you do, always be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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Consequences of Debt: DIVORCE

The Consequences of Debt: DIVORCE

The stress that comes with debt is far reaching and, likely, more than we would really care to even consider.  In the last article we discovered a list of several physical problems that have been known to occur due to stress.

Sure, there are many other causes of stress in our lives but, at the same time, the stress from debt fuels many of these other symptoms. 

For example, I took a look at two different articles about the top causes of divorce and, not surprisingly, money or financial issues were in the top 4 on both lists. It was number two on one list and number four on the other. 

Here is one list that comes from Shellie Warren at marriage.com -
1. infidelity  2. money  3. lack of communication  4. weight gain  5. unrealistic expectations  6. lack of intimacy  7. lack of equality  8. no being prepared for marriage  9. abuse

When I look at that list, I can easily see how the stress that is related to money problems/debt would also have an influence on other things listed. For example, stress from debt could actually have a hand in someone being unfaithful in their marriage. No, I'm not saying it is an excuse for bad behavior but, if the stress is bad enough, a person may look for an avenue to just "get away" from their current situation. DEBT STRESS may also impact communication to the point where those in the relationship begin to NOT communicate at all. Weight gain? It's a known fact that when someone gets depressed and are under stress they tend to eat more and to eat more junk!

Do I need to continue down this list? Go through the rest of the list and see if you can connect "debt stress" to the rest of the items found there. I'm sure you can.  

I'm sure you can also do the same with the list that I found on divorce.com - 1. infidelity  2. lack of communication  3. physical/emotional abuse  4. financial issues  5. sexual problems  6. boredom  7. religious/cultural differences  8. issues raising children  9. addiction  10. difference in expectations

Then, if there are kids in a marriage they, too, are impacted for the rest of their lives when a divorce takes place. Sure, some handle it better than others but, friend, let's not try to paint a "pretty picture" of the impact of divorce.

And, again, the thing about this stress from debt is, IT'S NOT NECESSARY!

“Debt is just a part of life and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it or to resolve the problem."  Sadly, too many people believe that quote as truth when it actually is a BIG LIE! Debt does NOT have to "just be a part of life" and, friend, there ARE things that you CAN do to prevent it and there definitely IS a resolution to the problem. 

Think of DEBT as a "dark hole" that is ready to suck in anything that comes anywhere near the "mouth" of this monster. And, by the way, DEBT IS A "DARK HOLE" and you need to begin to look at it in that way! Take another look at that quote in the previous paragraph and, if you believe that quote to be true - or ANY PART OF IT to be true - then apply it to the "dark hole" view. IF debt was just a part of life then, friend, what you are saying is that you or anyone else can do NOTHING to keep from getting sucked down that dark hole! You, and everyone else, is DOOMED to this fate! And, according to this quote, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT and YOU CANNOT RESOLVE THIS PROBLEM! In other words, to put it bluntly, YOU'RE SCREWED!

I want you to know that, although I will be discussing some of the CONSEQUENCES OF DEBT in this series, I will also be sharing with you my suggested solution to the problem. Yes, I shared that suggested solution with you in Lesson 5 of the last series and I will mention it again with every article in this series. It won't be a sales pitch but I feel that it is important to share a SOLUTION and not just talk about the problem. Simply go to ulivefree.com and take a look at the two videos and then look over the rest of the information. This is an INCREDIBLE program designed to get you out of debt - ALL DEBT - in a fraction of the time!

I'd love to get feedback from you on the series so far and anything else. I'd love to hear from you! In my next article I will be discussing another consequence of debt - HOPELESSNESS.

Until next time, friend, whatever you do, always be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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The Consequences of Debt: STRESS

In my last series ("Working From Home Series") I concluded with a lesson on "My Suggested Solution". In that lesson I shared the following numbers as it concerns debt in America:

In an article written by Bill Fay entitled, "The Emotional Effects of Debt" he states the following: "...72% of Americans said they felt stressed about money, according to an American Psychological Association study. And 22% said they felt “extreme” stress over their finances."

In another article, written by Jennifer Soong and entitled, "The Debt-Stress Connection", she states, "An AP-AOL study reveals that debt-related stress is 14% higher in 2008 than in 2004. Those who report high levels of debt stress suffer from a range of stress-related illnesses including ulcers, migraines, back pain, anxiety, depression and heart attacks."  

I read other articles that talked about other physical problems from which those under stress might suffer. Things like lack of sleep, loss of appetite and even hair loss. From my own experience and what I have seen with others, they may also include acne breakout on a persons body and even panic attacks. 

When you consider these things then you can also see why stress due to financial problems (debt) is one of the top reasons for a couple to get a divorce. Think about the impact on each of the two in the marriage as well as any children that may be a part of the marriage. All of this due to the stress with DEBT. 

The thing is, it's NOT NECESSARY! Too many people - maybe you? - have settled for the lie that debt is just a part of life and there is nothing that can be done to prevent it or to resolve the problem. BOTH OF THESE ASSUMPTIONS ARE FALSE. 

For the rest of this series we will be taking a look at other "consequences of debt" as follows: DIVORCE,  HOPELESSNESS, SUICIDE and LIMITS.  Think about how stress has a role in each one of these produced issues that come from the burden of debt. 

Debt is NOT just a "numbers" problem. It is a problem with our mindset and attitude. Debt often occurs when we decide to BUY THINGS THAT WE DO NOT NEED so that we can IMPRESS OTHERS THAT WE DON'T EVEN KNOW with MONEY THAT WE DO NOT HAVE.

Folks, that's a problem and the consequences are real but, again, they are unnecessary. Click on the link below ("Live Debt Free") for a REAL solution to help you remove ALL debt from your life in a fraction of the time than you can following "traditional" pay-off plans. 

In closing, think for a moment about the change in YOUR life as well as the life of your family and those close to you once you remove debt - and the consequences - from your life. Yes, you can!

Join me in the next part of this series as we continue to discuss "The Consequences of Debt".

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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CHANGE Happens!

I have already posted the Vlog and podcast that I did for this topic earlier this week and I'm just now getting to this blog article. So, that being said, you need to BE SURE to listen/watch one or the other. WHY? Because I don't have a script that I follow and there will be different/additional thoughts and ideas shared in the podcast and Vlog than there will be with this article. (Check out the links at the end of the article).

I'm not sure how much I've shared via my blog articles about the changes that have taken place in my life since the start of this year (2018). I did not label them as "New Year's Resolutions" but, rather, just a "redefining of my direction" and my future. 

Just a quick review: I have been in the insurance business off and on for several years now and joined up with an agency shortly after the start of the year that I believe will be the best connection that I could have possibly made in this industry. Along with that, I have also made positive plans to be a part of the John Maxwell Team by the end of 2018. 

This insurance business is the "vehicle" that I have chosen as my way of getting from where I started the year to where I want to be at the end of the year. (Go back and read the articles about "What Do YOU Want" and the "Journey" series for more information).

This past Monday morning I found out that the person that was my "manager" and was also the one that hired me into this particular "branch" of this agency had quit. Boom! Immediate and with no warning. WOW!

A few years ago that would have thrown me for a loop and caused me to stress out about what was going to happen next! And, I'm sure it probably has done that to some people in this group. 

Why do I say that? Because CHANGE is something that makes us very uneasy and it is also something that, many times, we do not know how to handle.

Look at that graphic at the top of the article again. If you have lived for very long then you know that what is said there is absolutely true! One of the few constant things in life is CHANGE!

Everybody and every thing changes every single day. (Listen to the podcast or watch the Vlog for a more in depth discussion of that thought).

What do YOU do when CHANGE comes your way? And friend, if you say that it hasn't - it WILL.

This next statement is also a FACT - "With change comes opportunity." And, many times (if you are determined to approach it with a positive attitude) that opportunity can be a BETTER opportunity.

That is the case with the change that has taken place this week with my insurance business. It has now ended up to where the person that is now my "manager" is, to be honest, a better equipped person to do so. He already has infused "new blood" into this whole thing which will provide me with even more opportunities to be successful. 

Again friend, CHANGE WILL COME. Prepare your mindset in a way that will keep you from "freaking out" or crumbling under the pressure that COULD come with that change. Preparation is the key to this situation as it is with most every situation that you face each and every day. 

What will you do? What have you done? I'd love to hear your comments on how you have handled change in your life. You can leave them here but I would prefer that you leave them on the fan page on Facebook .

May you find a better opportunity before you with each change that comes your way.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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The Key to Happiness (Part 2)

Have you taken the time to jot down your ideas on what we talked about in the last article? If not (and if you didn't read the last article) go back and spend a little time answering those questions. Doing so will help make this series personal and it will also allow you to apply these things to your own situation a lot more specifically.

ARE YOU HAPPY?

Again, if you've not done so, go back and read the last article for the introductory thoughts to what we will be talking about in this article.

DO NOT PLACE YOUR HAPPINESS IN THE HANDS OR LIVES OF OTHERS!

This is the main point for this article - PEOPLE can not make you happy. Let that soak in!

You may have found yourself saying (and you will hear others say it as well), "You make me so happy!" or "(Name of person) makes me SO happy!" And, on the other side, you may also say or hear, "You make me so mad!" or "(Name of person) makes me SO mad!"

I remember seeing a young man comment on a social media page, "I wish I could find the right girl to make me happy." I replied to this young man, "If that is what you are waiting for, you will be waiting a LONG time."

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Let me clarify a little. I know that many of you don't quite understand what I'm saying here because you may be thinking, "But my spouse/kids/grandchildren/friends DO make me happy!"

 

People can bring "feelings" of happiness to your life and people can add to the component of your life that brings about happiness but NO ONE PERSON can "make" you happy or unhappy.

 

Read that again - maybe slowly and maybe more than once - and let it sink in.

 

Let's notice a few things about this idea:

     1. If a person can "make" you happy, if they leave your life either by death or by choice, are you doomed to a life of unhappiness?

     2. Is it not unfair to put this much "responsibility" for OUR happiness on others?

     3. Your happiness - created by YOU - might very well bring joy into the lives of those around you which, in turn, may create even more feelings of joy and happiness into your OWN life!

 

Now for a quick "break down" of those three points, o.k.?

 

1. Yes, I do understand that others can bring about feelings of joy and even peace into your life. Yes, this DOES add to the overall component in your life that can add to your joy, pleasure and contentment (see definition for happiness in the last article). But you can NOT rely on those people to be responsible for your own happiness.

 

Have you ever been disappointed by any of these people? Have they ever frustrated you? Discouraged you? Brought about feelings of anger in you? The answer to all of those questions is very likely to be "YES!".  So, yes, they can have an impact upon our "feelings", but they cannot - and we should not expect them to - "make us" happy or unhappy.

 

And, yes, I DO understand that the loss (either by death or other means) of having someone in your life can be heart-breaking. I understand that this kind of loss can bring about much pain and despair. Again, they made up part of the overall component of your life that brought about joy, pleasure and contentment in your life. They were a PART of your happiness.

 

But also understand that you are NOT now confined to a life of misery and unhappiness. It may be difficult, but you can and will find other areas of your life that can help fill that void in your life that will bring joy, pleasure and contentment into your life.

 

2. It IS unfair to put the responsibility of your happiness on others. Many couples fight over this and even divorce over this very thing. "But you're supposed to make me happy!" whines one to the other.  Perhaps this disillusionment came from one promising the other, "I will ALWAYS make you happy!".

 

That's a nice thought but it's an impossible promise to keep. Easy to make, impossible to keep.

 

So, on either side, it is unfair to expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness and, friend, it is unfair and unrealistic for you to think that you are responsible for the happiness of another.

 

3. WE are responsible for our own happiness. Those that have joy, pleasure and contentment as a part of their life very likely will draw others to them. Yes, others can "feed off" of that contentment and joy and, in turn, increase their own levels of those feelings and emotions.

 

Happiness must come from within. True contentment can only come from YOU and what YOU hold in your heart. Make sense? True contentment understands that others WILL disappoint us and, yes, even frustrate us but that contentment will never allow that to DESTROY us.

 

Now, don't take this the wrong way, especially if you have lost a loved one in death. I'm not trying to be "cold-hearted" about this but, it still applies, even in that situation. Here it is: True contentment and happiness comes with the understanding that your worth and value is not dependent upon another person.

 

YOU are special and YOU hold the key to understanding your true value.

 

I know that it is painful at times but, friend, it is still true.

 

So, as you go about writing down your answers to the question, "What makes me happy?", don't write down the names of others. Maybe there are things ABOUT those people that bring about the feeling of joy and happiness but that person, alone, is not responsible for your happiness.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this article and, as always, I also want to encourage you to listen to the podcast (see the links below) and to also share both with as many people as possible. You just never know when what is read or said is exactly what someone needs on a particular day.

 

Until next time, be sure to...

 

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

 

Mike

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Start Here

My guess is that we've all seen stories of people that rose up from horrible circumstances to experience incredible success which inspires all that find out about such a person.

Usually, when I see such stories shared, it's with the idea of, "Look at what they have been able to accomplish - what's YOUR excuse?" And it IS powerful. Very powerful.

Yet, for many of us, we've not had to fight such huge difficulties BUT, at the same time, many of us still struggle with setbacks of our own. (No, I'm not comparing "apples to apples" and I understand that).

You can have the best background in your life and still struggle with current circumstances. You may have had the best childhood possible but, your adult years may have put you in circumstances that you never thought you'd experience.

Here's the focus of the message for today (from the graphic above): "Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go, they merely determine WHERE YOU START."

So, here you are. "Current circumstances" may have you stunned and/or feeling discouraged, depressed and even defeated.

"As long as there is breath, there's hope." is a quote I have used often since coming up with it back on March 2, 2009. THERE IS HOPE!

It may not happen overnight but you CAN move on from where you are now. And you can begin that process now as well. Hey, we can all fuss and complain about it not being fair or how angry we may be or whatever the emotions may evoke due to your current circumstances. BUT, where you are is where you are. This is where you must start regardless of what has been fair or not fair.

START HERE!

It is what it is but also remember WHO YOU ARE and what you are capable of. You are one that has been created with tremendous resilience and potential in spite of setbacks.

So, friend, get up and go - REGARDLESS.

And, as you do so, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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Let it Go (Part 2)

Did you ever wear weights while training for some sport?

 

The idea behind this is for you to train while wearing weights around your ankles so that you get used to doing your task (mine was basketball) at full speed while having that extra weight strapped to your body. THEN, once game time came around and you took the weights off, you should be able to actually run faster and jump higher because you are doing so without the added weight.

 

The Bible, in talking about the life-long fight against sin, also uses this example in part in Hebrews 12:1 - "... let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..."

 

You can also see this same concept with an airplane that needs the ability to lift or to stretch their fuel usage by ridding the plane of nonessential weight! You really see this dramatically played out in movies when they begin to throw out the non-essentials.

 

I've seen it played out in different movies with boats and even covered wagons in the old west when needing to spare their  horses from such a heavy load.

 

HERE'S THE POINT: When you rid your......automobile, airplane, boat, covered wagon or even YOURSELF.....of excess weight you can go faster, fly higher, have your fuel or even your horse last longer!

 

And, friend, so it is with those things that we just need to LET GO in our lives! (If you haven't done so, go back and read the last blog article as well as listen to the last podcast for the first part of this discussion).

 

Yes, it is difficult to let go and walk away from those things to which we have grown accustomed - especially when those things are PEOPLE.

 

However, what you will likely find over time is that you actually are beginning to live life again or, perhaps, for the very first time. You may even find yourself thinking and saying things like, "I never knew that life could be this good!"

 

Just as the Bible verse above expresses, life IS a race, but friend, it is NOT a sprint...it is a marathon. Any excess weight that you carry begins to burden you down the longer you participate in this race called life.

 

You hear me say daily (if you listen to the podcast) that "as long as there is breath, there is hope" and it applies in such a strong way with this topic.

 

Many, weighed down by those things that need to be left behind, have become so burdened down that they have lost sight and lost hope of what life really has to offer.

 

DO NOT GIVE UP and do NOT allow yourself to continue carrying those things which MUST be left behind.

 

So, let me put it this way: DON'T GIVE UP but, instead, GIVE IT (what needs to be left behind) UP so that YOU can GET UP and move on in your life and begin to LIVE LIFE!

 

And friend, as you do so, be sure to....

 

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

 

Mike

 

Future You University     "Like" FYU on Facebook!     Podcast on iTunes     Podcast RSS feed

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Let It Go

It's hard to let go of things to which we have grown accustomed.

 

Think about it and you will realize that you can easily apply this to many things. Let me go ahead and mention a few - you may want to make a list of all of the ones that you come up with and see if there is a need to rid your life of any of these.

 

Bad habits are hard to rid our lives of due to the fact that we have grown accustomed to them. This goes back to last week's podcast/blog that talked about things that we allow will continue in our lives.

 

Bad habits, such as poor eating habits, not exercising, having a negative attitude, listening to and participating in gossip, not giving it our all at the workplace, not giving it our all in our relationships, a lack of self-discipline - these are but a few of some bad habits that can make a "nest" in our lives.

 

And they will stay there as long as we allow them to do so.

 

You have likely seen this quote before: "The best way to break a habit is to drop it."

 

Easier said than done? ABSOLUTELY! But that does NOT mean that it's something we should avoid.

 

Hey, listen, I understand that it's hard to rid our lives of those "comfort foods" if one is wanting to lose weight but, at the same time, it is an absolute NECESSITY to just let them go - rid your life of them - IF you want to have any success at all in losing weight.

 

We often try to hang on to these things (whatever they may be in your life) while trying to figure out how to still allow them in our lives and still have progression or improvement of our lives.

 

But sometimes, you just have to let it go and walk away.

 

And, yes friend, sometimes that includes people.

 

This is likely the HARDEST situation to deal with and the HARDEST from which to walk away and let go. But sometimes it is necessary.

 

I'm not talking about a hasty decision and I'm not taking this lightly or talking about giving yourself an easy "out" so that you can allow inappropriate actions into your life.

 

There is so much I could say here that would apply. I do want to encourage you to listen to the podcast with this (see links below) and I may even continue this further in the next article and podcast.

 

Do the work in spending time diligently taking inventory of your life. What (or who) are you allowing in your life that you need to simply "let go"?

 

It's not always easy. That's why I share these thoughts with you, for you. We all need a little encouragement along the way.

 

Right?

 

And, as you continue along this journey of life, be sure to...

 

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

 

Mike

Future You University     "Like" FYU on Facebook!     Podcast on iTunes     Podcast RSS feed

                                         Start your home based business HERE

REGRET

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That's a pretty gloomy picture up there, isn't it? For many people REGRET looms over them like a big storm threatening the potential of great damage. For many, the "cloud of regret" hovers over them and follows them wherever they go. Doom. Danger. Destruction. Disaster. Defeat.

We all have regrets, don't we? I feel that, because of my experience as a parent, I can say that ALL parents have regrets. Can't all of us - as parents - look back and wish we had done some things differently? Spent more time doing things with our kids. Focused more on helping them develop certain characteristics that one is not born with but can only be taught and learned.

Everyone that is married has regrets. Everyone that is not married has regrets.

Get the picture? EVERYONE has regrets.

I picked out a few quotes on REGRET that I wanted to share with you. Take a look at them and let them soak in...

I'd rather regret the things I have done than the things that I haven't. - Lucille Ball

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.     -John Barrymore

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.     -Alexander Graham Bell

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.     -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

I'm not sure if Lucille Ball got her quote from Mr. Brown, but they are both very similar in what they say. They both cause us to really look closely at our regrets. Do they not?

I can't help but ask the question that almost cries out from John Barrymore's quote... Have your dreams been replaced by regrets? Really examine this one closely!

I love the way that Mr. Bell brought out such a wise observation to the popular saying about one door closing and another one opening. This may be true but read again this observation and ask yourself if you are constantly standing and looking at all of the doors in your life that are closed.

REGRET - we all have it so it is important for us to consider what we DO with the regret in our own life!

Well?

Here's the deal and, if you've read much of my stuff at all you won't be surprised at what I'm about to say: IT'S YOUR CHOICE! Just like anything else in life and especially when it comes to how things impact our lives - it is a CHOICE that we make.

Think about it...we ALL have regrets but many live their lives differently when it comes to those regrets. Some live their lives FULL of regret to the point that they can never move on because of their focus ON those regrets (see again the quote by Alexander Graham Bell). Hey listen, for some, the regret is LARGE and the impact is far reaching but, nevertheless, all regrets are seen through our rear-view mirror, are they not? And, that being the case we MUST understand that we CAN learn from the cause of the regrets but we CANNOT go back and undo them and we CANNOT allow ourselves to focus on those past causes.

Seriously, what can be gained by doing this? NOTHING except bringing more regret to your life when you realize how much time you have wasted focused on this regret.

On the other hand, as has been said, you can LEARN from the past mistakes that brought on that regret and you can do everything within your power to not repeat those same mistakes thus avoiding even stronger regret due to your repetitive nature.

Huh?

DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

But we often do, don't we? That's how we are. But, hopefully, over time, we begin to break that pattern and we start repeating those same mistakes less and less to the point that we DO finally move on in a positive way.

Remember this: YOU ARE HUMAN!

Don't use that as an excuse (as many people do - "Oh well. You know, I'm only human!") but let it help you understand how we - as humans - tend to behave and how hard it is to make significant change in our lives as well as how long this significant change may take.

As was stated differently in two of the above quotes, the worst thing any of us wants to do is come to the point that we regret the fact that we did NOTHING...that we failed to LIVE.

I hope this helps. I'd love to hear from you at any time. Feel free to drop me an email - mike@futureyouuniversity.com as well as leave comments here or at the Future You University FAN PAGE on Facebook (preferred method for comments).

Until next time, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

  



Choice One: DEFINE

Kelly Clarkson currently has a song out that has the following line in it, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". We've all heard that saying before, right? And, by the way, I DO love that song! It's kind of hard to sit still when she kicks that chorus in!

I do understand the idea behind that saying but I'm not sure it's 100% accurate. If you are in a car accident and are paralyzed from the neck down are you STRONGER than before? No. However, you may become stronger mentally and attitudinally. But, that may not always be the case either. I'm sure you can add your own examples along that same thought line.

Yet, at the core of that saying lies this truth that I've been sharing for the past three years: "AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATH, THERE IS HOPE!"

Don't ever forget that and, along with yesterday's introductory article, "When Bad Things Happen" we need to remember that we have some choices. The first of these that I'll be addressing today is, "LET IT DEFINE YOU".

Who are you? Why are you "who" you are? What has made you who you are? Yes, I understand that all of our experiences have been a part of making us "who" we are but, again, don't miss this point - YOUR PAST DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE!

Currently, my wife and I are working with kids in foster care and there are some horrible and heart-wrenching stories behind the lives of some of these young people. However, it is so important for me to emphasize to them that their past DOES NOT determine their future! The mistakes of those that were supposed to love and care for them DOES NOT determine a continued future of hurt and distrust! Their own mistakes - OUR OWN MISTAKES - does NOT determine the same for their (our) future!

Too many people give up thinking that there is NOTHING that they can do to change this direction of their life and, my friend, there is NOTHING further from the TRUTH!

I talk on the podcast (iTunes -  http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mike-spillmans-future-you/id423660739 and the RSS feed - http://mikespillman.hipcast.com/rss/futureyouuniversity.xml  ) about those that are dealing with or have dealt with tragic loss in their lives. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child or to lose my wife. I came close to losing my wife a couple of years ago due to a "one-in-a-million" occurrences with her heart. The thought of going on and living life without her was unbearable! So, I want to emphasize again that I AM NOT criticizing anyone that is struggling with moving on after such a tragic event.

However, please hear me as I say this with complete compassion and caring - this, as well, does not have to define the rest of your life. Will it always be there? YES! Will it forever impact every area of your life for the rest of your life? YES! But it does not have to define and control the rest of your life.

You've often heard it said that the person that has passed would want you to go on and LIVE your life! I'm guessing that this is true but hard for us to think about when we go through such things. Please hear this in the way it is intended...at some point in time we must CEASE living the life of a victim and begin to live the life of a VICTOR!

You can. You must.

I, along with many others, am here to help in any way that I can by doing all I can to encourage you with these positive podcasts and articles. It IS possible to survive and thrive in spite of any bad thing that may have happened in your life.

When bad things happen they DO NOT have to define your life.

Join me tomorrow as we continue on with the next part, "LET IT DESTROY YOU". Until then, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

What Would YOU Do If...

It's "Wide-Open Wednesday"...what will YOU do with this special gift?

What would YOU do if today - yes, today - you could do ANYTHING that you wanted to do and/or go anywhere you wanted to go? What if, what if, what if!

Many of us have had such thoughts and, too often, "fantasies" of such a happening for our lives and, many times it is associated with the thought of, "If you only had 2 weeks to live, what would you do?"

Isn't it kind of sad that we have to associate our pending DOOM in order to think that way? Queen Latifah stars in a movie that came out in 2005 entitled, "Last Holiday" in which she is mistakenly told she only has a short time to live. And, friend, live she did! Money was no object because, after all, you can't take it with you and she was no longer afraid to live the live she had only dreamed of before. She DID have a bit of a money issue once she realized that the diagnosis was a mistake - but she learned to truly "live" her life!

Bottom line, here's the truth: Today (any day) you CAN do anything you want to do! Sure, there may be obligations, responsibilities and our moral compass that keeps us from acting upon some things without thought or regard to others or these responsibilities but...the truth is that you CAN if you want.

Many do so every day REGARDLESS of these responsibilities leaving destruction in their wake. Families have been destroyed by one or both parents deciding to do what they wanted to do without any thought (or little thought) to those hurt by such decisions.

However, I'd like you to consider a more positive approach to this topic. Sure, you may not be able to leave all the stress and responsibilities of your life behind (although some try by faking their disappearance) but there ARE things you can do today that, for whatever reason, you have thought were out of your reach.

Have you decided that you are stuck at your job and there is nothing you can do about it? NOT TRUE! Sure, think wisely and make a wise decision but, at the same time, it may take a sudden and decisive action in order for you to stop TALKING about it and start TAKING ACTION with it.

Many people feel that they must wait until they can "afford it" before they have children. I understand the thought and I also agree to a certain extent but, my friend, you'll NEVER be able to 'afford" the expense of raising a child. If you wait until you think you can afford the financial AND emotional cost and investment then you will NEVER have that child. You will continue to TALK about that child but you will never HOLD that child in your arms!

Hey, listen to the podcast (on iTunes - http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mike-spillmans-future-you/id423660739 or via the RSS feed - http://mikespillman.hipcast.com/rss/futureyouuniversity.xml ) to get some more insight on this topic and think on this yourself.

Don't come to the end of your life saying, "What if..." or "If I only had done..."

Remember, TODAY is all we have and, as you go through this day be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"
Mike

Small Things BLOWING UP Big!

Today is "Turn-Around Tuesday" --- YOU have the opportunity to do that TODAY!

The story is told of an elderly couple sitting out on the front porch in their rocking chairs enjoying a lovely afternoon when the old man decides to express some loving thoughts to his wife of many years. Leaning over in her direction he say, "I love you!" to which the dear lady responded, "What's that you say?" Leaving over a little further and talking a little louder the gentleman repeats, "I said, I love you!". Still unable to hear what her husband was saying and a bit frustrated she said, "Tarnations old man! Speak up and say what you want to say!". The old man gave it all he had and yelled out at the top of his voice, "I SAID, I - LOVE - YOU!!" to which, with misunderstanding, the sweet woman replied at the top of her voice, "Well, good grief! I'M TIRED OF YOU TOO!"

Oops! MISunderstandings, MISinterpretations and just plain ol' "MISSES" that turn into MESSES!

"Just let it go." I have uttered those words numerous times in working with young people lately when they want to respond heatedly to what really is a very small offense. Hey, you know this to be true, right - people find out what "buttons" to push to get a reaction from you and they push it often and then they push it MORE often! What happens if we just learn to "let it go" and don't react? Many times, the "problem" will disappear.

I'm ticklish but I have learned to control that response so that when someone comes up to me and asks if I'm ticklish they don't get a response when they try to tickle me. By the way, isn't it odd that a person would ASK you a question and either not believe you OR (as usually is the case) start tickling you before you even answer? Anyway, I can resist the response and, guess what? They don't try it any more.

Simple illustration, I know. But it applies pretty much the same way to learning how to NOT let people "push our buttons". Remember, THEY DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over our emotions. We do!

Also consider the "chain of events" that takes place when you allow this to happen to you and then you drop that negative attitude on anyone and everyone around you. Many of these people are "innocent bystanders" and have absolutely nothing to do with the problem in the first place.

So, realize that what happens to you - positive or negative - doesn't stay with just you. Share the good, the positive and JUST LET GO of the negative and harmful.

Try it, you might like it! (And those around you will likely be pretty happy with it as well).

Until next time, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike