Choice Three: STRENGTHEN

I know that what I'm about to say is an over-simplification but consider it anyway: "Life is a series of choices."

Now, again, I didn't say you had to AGREE with my statement, I just asked that you consider it which, in and of itself is a choice, is it not? Your consideration is a choice and your agreeing or disagreeing is a choice. You made a choice to read this article right now instead of doing something different. You have a choice to either keep on reading this article or to go on and do that "something else". You made a choice to get out of bed this morning or, if you are still in bed for whatever reason, you still made a choice to do something besides just lay in bed sleeping or watching television at this moment.

Yeah, I really COULD go on and on with this pointing out how many choices we make each and every day several times a day - but I won't. It was a choice that I had and I chose NOT to follow through with that. (There I go again!).

And, yes, when bad things happen in our lives we have choices that we must make. Among those are how we will allow this "bad thing" to impact us. We can either let it DEFINE us, DESTROY us or STRENGTHEN us. We've already talked about the first two and, today, I'll discuss the last one as I conclude my thoughts on this topic.

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I've said it many times in the discussions on this topic but I feel the need to say this again - please do not take it that I am "making light" of any tragedy that may have taken place in your life or the life of someone you know. Perhaps you are going through that that tragedy right now and NONE of this will make any sense to you at all and, likely, may even make you angry. BOTTOM LINE - I understand that what I am saying is over-simplified. But, even in the midst of crazy events in our lives it still all boils down to the simplicity of choices.

Oh, believe me, I understand that the fact there are choices to be made is a simple fact but the CHOICES TO BE MADE is what makes it all so difficult.

Don't let bad things define you or destroy you - we've covered that already and, as always, if you haven't had the chance to read those, you might want to read them BEFORE you read this installation. So, WHY NOT let even the bad things in life STRENGTHEN you or make you stronger?

Anyone that has done ANY type of strength training can tell you that it is NOT easy! Hey, anytime I (you, them, whoever, right?) have tried to do ANYTHING that was some sort of change to my habits (diet, exercise) it was NOT easy to do! And, when you start talking about trying to become stronger (which usually incorporates diet AND exercise) you have to stay with it and fight the pain knowing that the strain and resistance against your muscles will make them stronger.

The apostle Paul, in 1 Corinthians 4:13 said the following, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Now, again, I realize that all of you reading this may not be believers but I feel the need to share this anyway because, for many people in our world, their FAITH is a HUGE FACTOR in their ability to keep going and to gain strength even in the midst of these "storms".

But, beyond the powerful thing that Paul said in that verse is what is found in the preceding verses describing some ups and downs that Paul, himself had experienced. Notice this in the same chapter, but in verse 12..."I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want."

FAITH - FRIENDS - FAMILY...the cornerstone for many people and especially when bad things happen in their lives. Have you utilized these resources in YOUR life recently? If not, maybe you need to do so BEFORE the "storms" hit (we talked about the need for preparation in one of the earlier articles in this series).

You CAN do this! You CAN make it through and you CAN survive another day and then another and then another. YOU CAN! YOU MUST!

"As long as there is breath, there is hope!"  Don't ever forget that!

Again, always feel free to contact me at any time (mike@futureyouuniversity.com) - I'd love to hear from you. And, whatever you do, where you go, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Choice One: DEFINE

Kelly Clarkson currently has a song out that has the following line in it, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". We've all heard that saying before, right? And, by the way, I DO love that song! It's kind of hard to sit still when she kicks that chorus in!

I do understand the idea behind that saying but I'm not sure it's 100% accurate. If you are in a car accident and are paralyzed from the neck down are you STRONGER than before? No. However, you may become stronger mentally and attitudinally. But, that may not always be the case either. I'm sure you can add your own examples along that same thought line.

Yet, at the core of that saying lies this truth that I've been sharing for the past three years: "AS LONG AS THERE IS BREATH, THERE IS HOPE!"

Don't ever forget that and, along with yesterday's introductory article, "When Bad Things Happen" we need to remember that we have some choices. The first of these that I'll be addressing today is, "LET IT DEFINE YOU".

Who are you? Why are you "who" you are? What has made you who you are? Yes, I understand that all of our experiences have been a part of making us "who" we are but, again, don't miss this point - YOUR PAST DOES NOT DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE!

Currently, my wife and I are working with kids in foster care and there are some horrible and heart-wrenching stories behind the lives of some of these young people. However, it is so important for me to emphasize to them that their past DOES NOT determine their future! The mistakes of those that were supposed to love and care for them DOES NOT determine a continued future of hurt and distrust! Their own mistakes - OUR OWN MISTAKES - does NOT determine the same for their (our) future!

Too many people give up thinking that there is NOTHING that they can do to change this direction of their life and, my friend, there is NOTHING further from the TRUTH!

I talk on the podcast (iTunes -  http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/mike-spillmans-future-you/id423660739 and the RSS feed - http://mikespillman.hipcast.com/rss/futureyouuniversity.xml  ) about those that are dealing with or have dealt with tragic loss in their lives. I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose a child or to lose my wife. I came close to losing my wife a couple of years ago due to a "one-in-a-million" occurrences with her heart. The thought of going on and living life without her was unbearable! So, I want to emphasize again that I AM NOT criticizing anyone that is struggling with moving on after such a tragic event.

However, please hear me as I say this with complete compassion and caring - this, as well, does not have to define the rest of your life. Will it always be there? YES! Will it forever impact every area of your life for the rest of your life? YES! But it does not have to define and control the rest of your life.

You've often heard it said that the person that has passed would want you to go on and LIVE your life! I'm guessing that this is true but hard for us to think about when we go through such things. Please hear this in the way it is intended...at some point in time we must CEASE living the life of a victim and begin to live the life of a VICTOR!

You can. You must.

I, along with many others, am here to help in any way that I can by doing all I can to encourage you with these positive podcasts and articles. It IS possible to survive and thrive in spite of any bad thing that may have happened in your life.

When bad things happen they DO NOT have to define your life.

Join me tomorrow as we continue on with the next part, "LET IT DESTROY YOU". Until then, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

When Something Bad Happens

As I begin this 4-part series today, I want to make sure you notice that the saying above is not, "IF bad things happen..." but, instead it is, "WHEN something bad happens...".

Friend, as bad as this may sound it is a fact of life that the longer you live you WILL experience something "bad" happening in your life. That's just part of being alive. Many of you have already experienced bad things happening in your life and, for some of you, maybe even too early in your life.

As I put this together there were many tornadoes that ripped through parts of our country last week that destroyed the lives of many people due to destruction and/or death. Storms come and go in our lives and it's not always the kind of storm that is defined by wind and rain.

As we go through this 4-part discussion we will ask ourselves if we will let these episodes in our lives DEFINE us, DESTROY us or STRENGTHEN us. For those of you that either have been or ARE going through bad times, what impact is it having on your life? Are you handling it - did you handle it - in a way that you wanted to? Hey, don't get me wrong - NO ONE wants anything bad to happen in their life, right? But, again, it is a fact that these things WILL come and we DO have a choice as to how we handle them.

Before we get into this whole discussion let me first of all say that I am NOT here to judge anyone on how they have handled or are handling a crisis in their lives. Too many people find it too easy to do just that - lay down "judgment" on something that they, themselves, either are not going through or have never gone through OR think everyone should handle the way that THEY handled it in their own situation.

We are all different! We all work through and handle things differently. This series is simply designed to be a means of encouragement to those that have been or are going through tough times due to "bad" things happening. It is also meant to be a way to encourage us all to PREPARE for these times before they arrive!

A football team (or any sports team) does not wait until the start of a game to prepare for that game. They begin their preparation MONTHS and MONTHS before that game is even scheduled to take place. The time for us to prepare ourselves for the "storms" that WILL come into our lives is NOT when the wind is trying to blow our door down!

The time to prepare is NOW. And, friend, if you've been there, I'd love to hear from you. I'd love you to share your story with me. I won't use any part of it unless you give me permission to do so, but you may just want to share with me, alone. I'd love to hear from you.

Remember, it's not IF but WHEN. Sure, it'd be great to avoid all things "bad" that may come along the way but, then again, we'd miss out on a lot of good as well.

Think about it and join me again tomorrow.

Until then, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

Where's My Happy Ending?

I like happy endings. Don't you?

That being said - I DON'T like movies with sad endings.

I hate them.

I mentioned in today's podcast a movie that I saw when I was in college. That just came to me as I was recording the podcast and now, I've been able to do a little more research and find out some of the missing details. The name of the movie was "The Champ" (I got that right!) and it came out in 1979 (I was right in the time frame too!). It starred Jon Voight, Faye Dunaway and Ricky Schroder (at a very young age). You can "google" the phrase, "movie The Champ" and you can even watch a clip that is almost 10 minutes long of this heart-wrenching scene in which the boxer (Voit) is knocked out in the ring and dies in the dressing room while his little boy (Schroder) screams at him to wake up. One of the saddest endings to a movie I've ever scene - and I hated it!

((Correction - I went back and watched this clip after typing this article, and the movie is even sadder than I remember. Here's the correction - the Champ did NOT get knocked out - he actually won the fight - HAPPY ENDING - and then dies in the dressing room with his little boy at his side as described above. This even emphasizes in a more powerful way my thoughts on the ups and downs we go through in our lives!))

I didn't mention this one, but I remember sobbing my eyes out when I was a kid at the end of the movie, "Old Yeller". Do you remember that one?

So, again, I HATE SAD ENDINGS to movies!

And yes, I watched another movie yesterday that had one of these sad endings - "Marley & Me". Have you seen it? If you haven't, then skip this blog because I am going to give away the ending.

The thing is - when I first saw this movie advertised before it's release in theaters, I already knew what the ending would be. I didn't know the HOW, but I knew what would happen. I just had a feeling about it.

And sure enough - I was right....the dog (Marley) dies. And, yes, I had tears streaming down my face. You see, I LOVE DOGS and I especially LOVE Labrador Retrievers. I've had several!

My first one was right after I got married in 1982 and his name was "Champ". He was the runt of the litter (just like Marley) and he was a wonderful dog. Our next one was "Sugar", a female who was also a wonderful dog and was so good with our kids, just as Champ was - that's just the way "Labs" are! When I recorded the podcast I left one of my Labs out - "Studley"! That's right, that is what his name was and he lived up to the name when he was a pup. He was tragically killed after we only had him for about a month - but he was a special dog. Then there was "Rocky" who was a MASSIVE dog when he was full grown and finally there was "Smokey".

You don't have to be a dog lover to enjoy that movie and to be moved to tears. If you love ANY animal, you will be touched by this story.

But, after watching the movie, I told my wife, "I would have much rather preferred for that movie to have a happy ending!"

Life is that way isn't it? Things don't go the way we had planned and we may scream at the top of our voice, "WHERE'S MY HAPPY ENDING?"

Perhaps it is a marriage that went bad.
Perhaps it is a job that was lost.
Perhaps it is the death of a loved one.
Perhaps it is your own failing health.

Whatever it may be - I do believe we can all relate to this idea.

If you had the ability, how would you script your life? How would you script the ending?

This is a fairly difficult topic to discuss because while there are many things in our life that we CANNOT control, there are also many things in our life that we CAN (and should) control!

One example I gave in the podcast was that of my wife's heart attack. I had no control over that happening - it was out of my control! However, it did turn out with a happy ending (thank you, Lord!) and she is still with me. Here's the thing - I DO have control over what I do with my time with her now. I've been given more time with her and now I am more committed than ever to take advantage of each and every day with her - THAT is within my control.

It is also within my control to allow that incident to impact my life in other ways and with other people.

Now, I'll be honest with you. If it had not turned out this way - if she had died - I do not know what I would have done. You see, I'll be the first one to acknowledge that it is easy for me to say these things - and yes, I believe them and attempt to live them every day - and I know it would be hard to keep my focus on them in such a difficult time.

But, I do know this - I have my "positive thoughts bank" continuously restocked and I believe that this would, indeed, come to play in such a tragic event.

There are things we CAN control and there are things we CANNOT control so here is the question for us to consider over the next few days:
- What will we/you do in response to the things that you cannot control?
- What will we/you do with those things that we can control?

Life doesn't always have happy endings as much as we wish otherwise. But we can still have some control as to the impact and our response.

Be thinking about that as we continue these thoughts in my next podcast and blog and...until then...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike