Project 141: RELATIONSHIPS (Part 2..."The Worksheet")

 

It is absolutely necessary for you to read Part 1 BEFORE you get into this article. Get it? Got it? GOOD! I "set the table" for this continuation of those thoughts found in that article.

This part is going to be a little bit different than I had originally planned to incorporate into this section on "Relationships". I do that. My mind says, "Hey, let's delve into THIS a little more" and, next thing you know, I've started making my article longer than planned.

I did record a podcast yesterday that combines both parts 1 and 2 of this part on "Relationships". You can find that podcast HERE. 

Right off, let me emphasize that I am NOT an "expert relationship counselor" or anything like that. I have done quite a bit of marriage counseling from when I was in ministry and I also have 39 years of marriage that brings with it a lot of "first-hand" knowledge in this area.

Again, be sure to go back and read the first part of this series before going any further. This is simply another suggestion that you may want to take a look at and consider in the area of doing something to improve your relationship with your spouse. 

KEY THING TO CONSIDER: Should you go through the information for this "worksheet" by yourself or with your spouse? Here's what I suggest...

If your relationship is currently in a "contentious state" (problems) then I suggest that you do this on your own and be completely honest in all of your answers. Make sure you understand that this exercise is an "inward focusing" exercise. In other words, this is not something for you to do to "point fingers" at your spouse and play the "blame game". If you are not willing to look inwardly during this exercise then, friend, I suggest that you just move on and do some serious thinking about how serious you really are about your relationship.

Blunt, huh?

Now then, IF the two of you are working together on improving your relationship then, you may consider doing this together as long as you still understand that this is an inward-looking exercise and not something designed to "lash out" or try to hurt the other. 

So, here we go and I do suggest that you listen to the podcast on this as well. The verbal along with the written many times make things a little clearer and easier to understand.

Take a few minutes, get out a piece of paper and divide it into 3 columns. First, write down on the left hand side of your paper (1st column)  all of the things that you remember about your spouse that caused you to "fall in love" with them. Then, make a "middle column" and simply answer "yes" or no" to the question: Is this the same? Are those traits still there? (or however you want to word it). NOTICE: I did not say do you FEEL the same way about that...I asked if those traits were actually still there. BIG DIFFERENCE.  Then, make a 3rd column and answer the question if the "change" that has supposedly taken place is due to your spouse or you. In other words, IF there was a change, WHY was there a change?

 Here's an example I put together just to help you out. Make this YOURS and make sure it applies to YOUR situation and, again, MAKE SURE YOU ARE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOURSELF!

Let's just use the first entry as an example. In the example above, one of the traits that is listed as something that you "fell in love with" early on was the fact that they were "good looking". Great! Now then, in the 2nd column the question is asked, "Does this trait still exist" or "Is this still true?" The answer I listed - purely as an example - was, "Yes, but different". In other words, "Yes, they are still good looking but in a different way" which leads to column 3 asking, "If there IS a change then, What changed? Who changed? Why the change?" and the very simplistic answer I listed was, "AGE caused the change". 

I'm not trying to over simplify this but to simply give you some ideas. Your "reasons" as to the "why/who/what" may go much, much deeper and that's o.k. Use as much space as you need to write down what you honestly feel and think on this (and ALL of these areas). But, it is very important that you also look at yourself in this and also ask if YOU have changed in this same area as well. In other words, "Hey, have YOU looked in the mirror lately?" This is both PHYSICALLY (you've gotten older as well!) and also taking a look at who you really are on the inside (has your love matured over the years or are you still stuck on things such as "good looks"). 

The real "dig down deep" part of this worksheet is column 3. If you are filling this out by yourself, then say absolutely whatever you feel without worrying about hurting the other's feelings. If you do this, make sure that they DO NOT read this right now!

But, if you are going to do that then, friend, you MUST zero down and look inwardly and ask WHY you feel this way and you may want to do a LOT of "self-examination" on this and see what YOU need to change in this relationship. 

Bottom line: NEITHER OF YOU are the same person that you were when you first met. And, to be honest, you should be glad that you are not, IF you have matured and grown in your life. 

When you do this exercise, I suggest that you ask God to help you "see with new eyes" as you look at your spouse. In other words, sometimes people get fixated on how things "used to be" and, once again, as a reminder, NEITHER of you are the same person that you were before. It's easy for us to get critical of our mate due to things that have taken place over the years that also have impacted us as well. 

Let this worksheet be a GOOD thing in and for your life and relationship. If you approach it the way I suggest and, if you ask God to guide you and help you through the process, I believe it can do just that.

Until next time, remember, YOU'RE HERE FOR A REASON and, whatever you do, always be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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YouTube  Project141

Every Area Every Day

Relationships (spouse/kids/family) - Spiritual - Physical - Financial

 

On December 15, 2020, I wrote out my plans for the next 3 months, 6 months, 1 year and 3 years. Notice the date that I listed. The above graphic (from Dave Ramsey) came across my social media feed just a few days ago and, as I type this article it is January 6, 2021 - a time difference of about three weeks. 

Why do I bother mentioning that information? Because I always find it interesting the way things like this work. The heading line that you see below the "wheel" above are the areas that I listed on my paper on the 15th of December that I focused on in my plans over the next three years and the items in the "wheel" from Dave Ramsey listed items to focus on for the New Year just a couple of days ago. 

Coincidence? I don't think so.

For years as I have done my podcast, blog articles and videos and shared my thoughts and ideas I have always been amazed when I would read something from people like Jim Rohn, Bob Proctor or others that said basically the exact same thing. 

WOW!

But I've discovered that when you focus on powerful and positive things as others do (like those that I listed along with many more) you will find a similar mindset...a cohesiveness of thought, so to speak. 

For me, it is an acknowledgement that I am on "the right track" in my thinking about such things. 

So, as a continued discussion about my Project 141 and also as a way of introduction of how I am "expanding" Project 141, I want to encourage you to take into consideration HOW you can make improvements in the areas mentioned above every single day of your life. 

Yes, the items listed in Dave Ramsey's "wheel" expand on my thoughts a little more, but specifically, I will be sharing this approach for the following areas in your life, as well as mine: Relationships (spouse/kids/family) - Spiritual - Physical - Financial.

 

Why not start brainstorming these things ahead of time? Why not start NOW thinking about how YOU can implement something on a DAILY basis to improve these areas of your life TODAY...right now!?

Until next time, when I begin to discuss how we can use Project 141 in our relationships, be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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YouTube 

 

Where Is YOUR Focus?

In today's podcast (Podcast son iTune or  Podcast RSS feed), I share a little audio clip that I recorded on my phone on February 18, 2014, which simply states, "Stop focusing on what isn't and start focusing on what is."

It's really a very simple statement but, at the same time, a very POWERFUL one! If you haven't done so yet, take a moment and take a listen - you'll be glad you did.

____________________________________________________________

"Stop focusing on what isn't and start focusing on what is." - Mike Spillman

_____________________________________________________________

Too many times, too many people spend too much time focusing on what isn't.  Think about it.

Yes, while I encourage you to have goals and plans for your future - a BETTER future - we need to make sure that we don't do so to the expense of missing what is around us every day. It's easy to focus so much attention on what hasn't become reality yet that we fail to notice what we DO have right now. 

Hey, as a parent of three adult children, I especially want  to encourage not to be aware of and appreciative of those precious children that are around you each and every day while they are still at home.  Time goes by quickly!

I saw a graphic on a social media page the other day that read something along the lines of, "Focus on your BLESSINGS more than you do your BURDENS." 

You've also likely heard the old saying that "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." Again, it's the idea of wanting and/or focusing on what we DON'T have instead of being aware (and appreciative) of what we DO have. 

Don't focus on the bad - focus on the good.

Don't focus on the negative - focus on the positive.

Don't focus on what is wrong with your job - focus (and be thankful) for what is right about your job.

Don't focus on what is wrong with your family - focus on what is right.

Don't focus on what is wrong with your spouse - focus on what is right. 

Don't focus on what isn't - focus on what is.

And live life in the NOW, not the LATER. Truth is, you CAN'T live it in the "later" for TODAY is all that you have at your disposal.      

Again, if you haven't done so yet, you need to listen to the podcast on today's topic. Just click one of the links at the bottom of this article to do so. There is SO MUCH MORE information and additional thoughts that I share with you there that is not found in this article. 

If you listen by going to iTunes, please take a moment and leave a review - I thank you in advance! Also, be sure to stop by the FYU fan page on Facebook and let me know that you left that review AND to just say "hello" and let me know that you are benefiting from Future You University. 

As always, THANKS for joining me today and, please, share this with as many as possible and always be sure to keep moving forward, closer to your dream!

And, until next time, whatever you do,  be sure to...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

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The Key to Happiness (Part 4)

In this series we've looked at the fact that happiness cannot be found in other people or in money. I thought about doing this concluding article by adding thoughts on the fact that it also cannot be found in "stuff" but, after thinking about it, I feel that the thoughts on "money/wealth" would apply to the "stuff" that one can buy.

Just like other people or money, "toys" such as cars and houses simply can NOT bring true happiness to your life. Keep that in mind.

To conclude this series I thought I'd focus on the graphic that has been a part of each of the articles in this series. "The key to happiness is NOT having what you want. It's wanting what you have."

I'm guessing that you have heard the phrase, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" meaning that it is easy to always think something "better" is always "out there" somewhere.

This is a "tricky" thing to consider because I, for one, have written many things and said it many times through my podcast that we should always strive for something "better" in our lives. Let me clarify that for a moment: I'm not talking about stuff or replacement of relationships.

Basically I'm talking about the need to not "settle" for "whatever happens" with no desire to take advantage of your abilities and talents to improve your life. Make sense?

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The problem comes when we try to attach the thought, "I'd be happier if I could only...." to this situation. Interestingly, I came across an article from Success.com that stated the following:

6. Be happy.
"You are responsible for your own happiness. We sometimes convince ourselves that life will be better after we get a better job, make more money, get married, have a baby, or buy a bigger house. Yet the accomplishment of any of those events might not make any difference at all. There is no magic secret to happiness, but it starts in your head."

 

 

Take a look around, friend. Chances are, you are blessed beyond measure and you may be overlooking that fact. It's so easy to miss what is right in front of us. It is easy to allow us to become "blind" to what we "see" every single day. We begin to take things for granted and even begin to find things "wrong" that, in reality, don't even exist.

 

Here's a hint: This is usually due to some "lack" in YOUR life and it has nothing to do with those around you. You may be "restless" about something in your life and you may not be able to pinpoint what it is which, leads to frustration. This feeling of frustration will often grow as you begin to "pick on" your current situation (marriage, family, job, etc.) trying to place blame somewhere else.

 

DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE of moving too quickly when you feel this way. Countless people have done so and then regret making such a move. They found that the "grass" was not even as "green" on the other side of "the fence" as it was where they were before.

 

Sure, do all that you can to improve your life and the life of those that you love. But, friend, don't overlook what you have NOW! I talked about this yesterday...count your blessings! Take a long look at what you have now and be thankful.

 

Another phrase you've likely heard is, "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it!" And to that I'd add, "...and regret it!"

 

Thanks for taking the time to read the articles on this topic. As always, I also encourage you to follow along with the podcast (see the links below) and to share both the blog AND the podcasts with as many people as you can. Too, I'd love to get your feedback on the fan page on Facebook (link below).

 

Enjoy your day and, as always, be sure to...

 

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

 

Mike



6. Be happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness. We sometimes convince ourselves that life will be better after we get a better job, make more money, get married, have a baby, or buy a bigger house. Yet the accomplishment of any of those events might not make any difference at all. There is no magic secret to happiness, but it starts in your head.
- See more at: http://www.success.com/article/dont-be-an-old-grump-here-are-9-ways-to-think-young#sthash.NNcrQT5l.dpuf

6. Be happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness. We sometimes convince ourselves that life will be better after we get a better job, make more money, get married, have a baby, or buy a bigger house. Yet the accomplishment of any of those events might not make any difference at all. There is no magic secret to happiness, but it starts in your head.
- See more at: http://www.success.com/article/dont-be-an-old-grump-here-are-9-ways-to-think-young#sthash.NNcrQT5l.dpuf

6. Be happy.
You are responsible for your own happiness. We sometimes convince ourselves that life will be better after we get a better job, make more money, get married, have a baby, or buy a bigger house. Yet the accomplishment of any of those events might not make any difference at all. There is no magic secret to happiness, but it starts in your head.
- See more at: http://www.success.com/article/dont-be-an-old-grump-here-are-9-ways-to-think-young#sthash.NNcrQT5l.dpuf

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Lies KILL Relationships!

Lies destroy. Lies hurt. Lies kill.

 

Yeah, I am getting straight to the point and I'm hitting this one hard.

 

Believe the Bible or not, that is up to you, but here are a couple of things it has to say about lying: "the devil...is a liar and the father of it." (John 8:44) and, again, in reference to the devil, in John 10:10 it says, "...does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy...".

 

Again, believe it or not, but the main point I want to make with that is that LYING IS EVIL and is bent on DESTRUCTION.

 

It doesn't matter what level of relationship you want to consider, LIES KILL RELATIONSHIPS!

 

I really want you to encourage you to seriously consider this. No, I'm not going to get into this senseless discussion of "little white lies" and all of that other silliness that so many want to waste time with - LET'S GET REAL.


 

We ALL hate it when we feel that we have been taken advantage of by some salesperson due to them telling us a lie or lies in order to get us to buy some product. We will complain to anyone that will listen to how angry we are at this injustice.

 

And you should be.

 

But, think about this - that person doesn't even know you. No matter how much they want to try to convince you that they have your best interest at heart, they don't know you and they don't have much of a relationship to you or with you. YES, it is still wrong for them to lie to you and to be deceitful. BUT HELP ME OUT ON THIS - why then, do we treat those that we DO have close relationships with such abandon and lack of care by lying or accepting lies?

 

Lying shows a lack of HONOR and RESPECT for a person. There is NO honor or respect when there is the existence of lies.

 

We talked about the idea of being devalued by others. This is a prime example. PAY ATTENTION.

 

When you lie to another individual (and I don't really care if it's a customer or your best friend or your spouse) you DEVALUE that person and you also DISRESPECT that person!

 

When you allow others to lie to you and, even once you discover this habit, you allow that practice to continue, YOU are ALLOWING and ACCEPTING that persons DEVALUATION and DISRESPECT of you.

 

"For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth." - Bo Bennett

 

And, we've likely all heard this quote from Sir Walter Scott: "Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive."

 

Relationships - at ANY level - matter.

 

Treat them that way and see what happens in your life and in the lives of those around you.

 

And, as you do so, be sure to...

 

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you) "

 

Mike

 

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What Will YOU Allow? (Part 2)

In our last blog and podcast I approached this topic from the side of allowing NEGATIVE things into our lives and that, as long as we allow these things in our lives that they would continue to exist.

 

If you haven't done so, go back and take a look and listen so that you can apply that important part to your life.

 

It was not until AFTER I had recorded the audio for that last podcast that it hit me - it is also important to apply this to allowing POSITIVE things into our lives as well. Let's take a look.

 

Many have a hard time accepting GOOD in their lives due to the them feeling that they do not "deserve" anything good in their life. There are more people that feel this way than you might imagine and, honestly, there are some that feel this way that don't really even understand that they do.

 

So many live a life full of chaos that they can't even imagine having a life of peace instead. They even begin to think that it is IMPOSSIBLE and, yes, even something that they do not deserve. Yet, if you apply what we talked about in the last article, and you begin to NO LONGER ALLOW the chaos in your life and you begin to allow PEACE in your life then, guess what? Chaos ceases to exist and PEACE begins to become present instead.

 

WHAT YOU ALLOW IS WHAT WILL CONTINUE!

 

It's your choice: chaos or peace, impatience or patience, negative attitude or positive attitude, doing your job "half-way" or doing the very best you can do and feeling good about it, stress in your marriage or patience and love.

 

Again, YOU KNOW what area it is in your life that you are allowing something that you need to change and remove. YOU KNOW which area of your life that you need to allow something "better" and more productive.

 

Like I said, it's your choice. It's up to you  and it can begin today.

 

What will you do? It depends on what you want to allow into your life!

 

'Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

 

Mike

 

 

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"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

"RELATIONSHIPS: Family"

This entry marks the last in this discussion of "relationships" and I appreciate you for taking the time to read and/or listen to these. (Yes, you can access the podcast of all of my topics by going to http://www.michaelspillman.com/ ).

We have gone through a wide range of relationships from those that we come into contact with on a "semi-regular" basis such as a waiter or waitress, check out clerk or a parking attendant to name a few. We have also looked at the relationships that we have with our coworkers, our boss and different levels of our friends.

Now we look at what may be the most difficult level of relationships that we all deal with in our lives - our FAMILY.

Now, before I go any further let me say this - for some of you, you may feel that the relationship that you have with your CLOSET FRIEND like we discussed in the last article is one that is closer than anyone in your family. And, this may be true. After all, there are times that you share things with a close friend that you are afraid to bring up to someone in your family at the time. Perhaps you run it by the friend first to see what advice they may give you. This - among others - is one reason it is SO important to pick those close friends carefully! If you are going to ask and perhaps follow their advice then you need to make sure that the advice they give is actually GOOD advice.

I know from my own experiences growing up - as likely many of you can agree - that I got along better with my friends than I did my own brothers and sisters. One reason is that I didn't LIVE with my friends! Spending the amount of time with ANYONE that you spend with your immediate family might create problems.

By the way, this is one of the main attractions in an affair. That person that you are "attracted" to is one that, likely, is always "at their best" for you. You don't see them with baby food splattered on their dress and they don't see YOU with your "slobber trail" on your face first thing in the morning. It's easy to be attracted to what you don't see and/or deal with on a daily basis. That's one reason we say in MOST of our wedding vows something along the line of, "for better or worse, in sickness and in health".

Hey listen, family is not always what it should be.

Why? Because, again, they are human just as you and I are. Tough break, huh?

I know for those of you that are doing everything you can to develop and maintain a positive attitude that, sometimes, some members of our family actually act as a "roadblock" in this effort. I probably see this brought up in every discussion when someone decides to step out and try to improve their situation.

Hey, it doesn't even have to be when someone tries to get involved in some sort of "opportunity"! I've even heard from some that get criticized just because they seek out and read as much positive information (like this) as possible.

WHAT'S THE DEAL?

Honestly, I think it's the same deal with family as it is with anyone else. Anytime you try to better yourself you tend to force those around you (including family) to put the spot light on their own lives and their own decisions in this area. And, most don't like what they find. So, instead of putting the effort into improving their own lives, they find it easier to try to destroy YOUR efforts instead.

It would be nice if family reacted better than that but, many times, they just don't. So, what do you do about that?

When it comes to others in our lives it is likely easier to distance ourselves from those that try to derail our efforts than it is to do so with family. ESPECIALLY if you are living in the same house with them. You can try to talk to/with them and simply ask them how reading and absorbing positive information is something that is going to anything for you (and them!) but help.

Many people struggle with this with their own spouse. Ouch!

I honestly cannot tell you what to do in your situation but I would suggest first and foremost that you simply try to get them "on board" with you. Sometimes it is easier to let them SEE the change and difference in your life than it is to try to TELL them the benefits. Don't criticize them and tell them that THEY need to start getting into this stuff because by doing so you are indicating to them that they are not where they need to be. Sure, it may be true but to make them feel that way is going to do nothing but lead you to an argument.

In ALL of this - and I am talking specifically about your relationship with your spouse - TRUTH and HONESTY is the most important ingredient that you MUST have in this relationship.

Just like the relationship with your close friends that we discussed in the last article, it is AN ABSOLUTE MUST when you start talking about your spouse.

I have read in discussion groups of some talking about the fact that they bought into some sort of program behind their spouse's back and that, when they see them "coming around", they were going to tell them. DISASTER IN THE WORKS!!

TRUTH.

HONESTY.

I could write PAGES on this part but I won't (for now). As I said on the podcast version of this topic, if you don't have this in your relationship, you have nothing.

When you lie to your spouse you are DESTROYING that relationship. Oh please, stop trying to use that "white lie" or "for their own good" crap.

Picture it this way: Your relationship is a beautifully sculptured rock with much time and effort having been put into it to create this masterpiece. Every time you lie or are dishonest in any way is like you taking a chisel and chipping away at that masterpiece. Sure, the first few "chippings" may not seem to have any effect but, over time, each and every stroke contributes to it's total destruction.

Too many of us wonder what happened when it seemingly crumbles before us "out of the clear blue". It didn't happen overnight or "out of the clear blue". Don't ever forget that.

I'd love to hear from you on anything that I have shared with you on this series. Please feel free to share with me any thoughts and ideas on this - I'd love to hear from you.

Bottom line in ALL of your relationships - TRUTH and HONESTY will always bring about the BEST in any and all of your relationships.

TRUTH + HONESTY = TRUST.

Until next time...

"Make it an AWESOME day! (Who else is going to do it for you?)"

Mike

www.MichaelSpillman.com